a lovable goof i wander the streets
with a duck on my head pups on my feets
looking for sticky a mad dash for sweets
then take em on home and hide neath the sheets!

a lollipop burglar, prowl in the dark
dress'd in a black coat so sleek and so stark
shriek and i holler when dogs start to bark
hide like a sissy in trees in the park

i see them all laughing goodies in tow
with pops rather chewy some you can blow
try to distract them with tricks don't you know?
now where is that bunny...where did he go?

then i swipe em up from pockets and bags
wee little children to grumpy old hags
wear big ole earmuffs to stifle their nags
run like the dickens...like fright'ned big stags!

i take all the candy hoard it all in
stuff myself full with a cheeky old grin
savor the flavor of juicy fun sin
where is the justice? where do i begin?

until that one day when somebody yelled STOP!
turned round to see twas a big candy cop!
check'd all my pockets my pants he did drop
out flew sweetness with a crash and a pop!

he hooted and hollered and started to wail
he said "i got ya!" with breath rather stale
cuffed me and stuffed me and took me to jail
thus ending the madness ending this tale!