so sometimes you get me
and sometimes you won't
you may squint to read me
but most times you just don't
a book with many pages
torn and tattered up so
not for the faint hearted
that's just the way i roll

when i walk into town
nude save for the pink hat
the old folks will gasp some
say "gawrd...just look at that!
that bastard is crazy
such a nutty fruit bowl"
i'm really not bragging
that's just the way i roll

i dance in my undies
in fountains in the square
i belt out great show tunes
in such frizzy blue hair
i holler at policemen
and then quickly lay low
and then slap their asses
that's just the way i roll

i skip to the music
that blares out in my head
do ten somersaults yes
when i hop out of bed
my legs are so pretty
in pink nylons you know
and black leather minis
that's just the way i roll

sometimes i wear swiss cheese
in place of my own shorts
walk round with my pet pig
and i laugh when he snorts
i piss off those critics
who like their humor droll
i'm brassy and bawdy
that's just the way i roll

so if you see me come
to you local bus stop
best get out that cell phone
and then call you a cop
i'm such a nutbasket
with a wacky bell toll
so dingy and daffy
that's just the way i roll

and when the cop gets here
i'll blush and then i'll grin
pucker up my big lips
and kiss him on the chin
i'll then call him tasty
and sweet and flavorful
then slap his blue fanny
that's just the way i roll

and they'll cart me on off
to those big rubber rooms
i'll bounce off all the walls
and make big thunder booms
a nurse will rush in then
such a grumpy ole troll
and try to sedate me
that's just the way i roll

i wave you big bye byes
as i nod off to sleep
i'll snore like a buzz saw
and my big nose will beep
as crazy in slumber
such a goofy old soul
forever so loony
that's just the way i roll!