i hide here
safe in the comfort
of my basement home
the window opened
just a crack
for fresh air
but not enough
so that anyone
would discover me
way down in here
hiding behind the couch
shivering

i hear soft music
wafting through the window
"someone saved my life tonight"
by Sir Elton John himself
nice song
haunting melody
and it does make me wonder
as i hear the sound
of my own teeth chatter
"is there a slip noose hanging
in my darkest dreams?"
i cower at the thought of this
and i nestle myself
even tighter in
my little corner

the lights are all off
so dark and cold
and i ponder
whether it has been
discovered just yet
i don't hear any sirens
or see any flashlight beams
zipping around
on the sidewalk above
i feel like the bottom
of my stomach has
just fallen out of me
and my inside parts
are left exposed
and dangling
slowly being blown away
by the chill of the wind

i'm really not a bad person
i don't think
around me...things just seem to happen
bad karma i guess...who knows?
but i can't escape that little bug
that keeps gnawing at
what passes for my conscience
and telling me that
this i did alone
no one forced me
or coerced me no
it was all me
i look at my fingers
at my black gloves
torn a bit
with spots of red
here and there
and my jeans are filthy
from running around
and hiding in ditches

what kind of monster am i?
how does a thing like this happen?
rage...greed...lust
i'm sure they were all present
such a slave to my raw emotions
and now...now this
proof positive
that i am the beast
that i always feared the most
suddenly, the sound of a siren
seeps into the room
so quietly at first
while Elton sings
"they're coming in the morning
with a truck to take me home"
so i put my head deep between my knees
and i grit my teeth
and i prepare for the worst

somewhere up there
the city still beats
and somewhere
way in here
my soul is dying.