i was just getting ready
to push the walk button
when i noticed this person
on the other corner
wild long white hair
shouting and singing and
waving arms about
and i said to myself
this...i gotta see closer!

so i moseyed on over
to this other corner
and took a good look
and that, my friends,
is where i met JESUS
JESUS on the street corner
and JESUS was a GIRL!
how do i know she was JESUS?
Well she told me so
and I really don't
have any reason to doubt her

There she stood
wearing a raggedy gray gown
hair flying everywhere
she looked to be at least 100
maybe even more
but she was very spry for her age
she was dancing round that corner
giggling and twirling
and carrying a big sign
that said "WILL WORK FOR FAITH!"

so i had to walk up to her
and say as politely as possible
"but i thought JESUS was a boy..."
the bitch slapped me!
and then she howled
and then she put a
skinny wrinkled arm
around me and said
"things are never
what they seem...
girls are boys
boys are girls
up is down
and down is up
does it really matter?"

and i put my finger
to my chin
and looked up into
the big sky
and i thought on this for a moment
"hmm...guess not!"
and JESUS broke out her tambourine
and she shook it all around
at all the people passing by
trying their best not to
look directly at her
i guess they thought
if they got too close
some of her dirt
from the street might rub off on them
some were amused
some were irritated
one old woman
with bouncy blue hair
even came up and hit her
with an umbrella
and called her
"BLASPHEMER!!!"

but JESUS just smiled at her
and handed the woman a daisy
which she slapped out of her hands
"must be hard" i said
"having all these people treat
you like dirt"
and JESUS rolled her eyes
"Oh this ain't nothin!"
she sputtered
"compared to the old days!"
and i had to think on that for a moment
and i said "yeah...
at least they seem to be
letting you live."

so i asked JESUS if she was hungry
and we went to the park and had a hot dog
(JESUS hates relish!)
and some tea
and JESUS offered a small blessing
to the vendor
and me well...
i left a huge tip
and then we went on
the rollercoaster ride
and went up and down and
from side to side
and even upside down a few times
with that wild white hair flapping everywhere
and when JESUS got off the ride
she walked around in circles a bit
and then jumped up
in the air and cried
"AGAIN! AGAIN!"

she then wanted me to take her
to the seedy side of town
where all the hookers
walked their beat
and i said
with some shock
"JESUS! is that the place for you?"
and JESUS laughed a hearty laugh.
"My child," she said, "It's the best place for me!"
she then poked me in the belly
the little minx
and she said
"I used to hang out with lepers,
for crying out loud!"
so here we were
dancing around all
these ladies of the night
with JESUS wildly shaking her
tambourine and singing
a catchy little song about love and
forgiveness when one of the
larger girls walked up to her
and said "Lady...you crazy!"
JESUS pinched her on the cheek
and handed her a daisy
the girl smiled a big toothy smile
and put the flower
in her hair

i took JESUS by the hand
and said "You've got to
come to my turf!"
and that, my friends,
was when i took
JESUS to the gay bar
And they just LOVED her there!
and she loved them
kissing them square on the lips
and we made our way out
to the gold and white
dance floor
and girlfriend
well she got her groove on
i've never seen such moves
and my friends there
cried "MAKEOVER!"
and they took her to the ladies room
and they washed her off
and gussied her up
and dressed her in a
most beautiful sparkling
sequined gown
they trimmed her hair and gave her bangs
for a nice youthful look
painted her nails
a bright rosy red
and gave her high heels
i looked in shock!
"JESUS! Can you walk in those things?"
She just smirked and said
out of the side of her mouth
"i'm used to torture!"
and they covered her in jewels
JESUS thanked them
and blessed them
and sashayed back onto
the dance floor

and we danced till dawn
and JESUS walked me home
and hugged me
and said "goodbye"
and i cried and said
"So nice to get to know you, JESUS!"
and she slapped me across the ass
and said "You take care of yourself, boy!"
and i stood there
at the door to my humble home
and i watched her walking away
the sequins on her glittery dress
flickering in the golden early morning sunrise
and i waved one last wave
and went inside
and took off my shoes
and went straight to bed
and laughed to myself
"JESUS wore bright red pumps!"
and i turned over
and went to sleep.