come let's get cozy and rest by the fire
let me ply you with wine tempting desire
candles all burning to add extra glow
ignites many flames of romance, you know!

now slink yourself back in that easy chair
let down inhibitions let down your hair
listen with pert ears as i make my quotes
best get a tablet and take you some notes!

the chart that i'm holding maps it all out
it names all the tenents what they're about
comings and goings it carefully graphs
let's have us a look-see for a few laughs!

first and foremost is the young prince named Fletch
most noble landlord of the tenement netch
whenever called upon to fix a complaint
he just screws the tenent shows no restraint!

Fletch knows the way to confuse and perplex
pour the cheap brandy and lay on the sex!
his thingy is large does not disappoint
but folks get amnesia leaving his joint

else they'd remember of this landlord's life
got him a family and doting young wife
her name is Sally so pure and so fair
save for when Sir Studly's scent hits the air

Sir Studly's in 12C so fine and keen
strapping young man in the merchant marine
with muscles so big and bouncy and such
when Sally sees them she drools oh so much

she sneaks out under veils and takes such care
keeps under wraps such a tawdry affair
but not so good as to escape my eye
Sammy Klinglehopper, tenement spy!

when Sally's at home with hubby and kid
ole Studly sneaks off and pops 10B's lid
home of the starlet Miss Leeky Supreme
a lovely lass who's not as she may seem

she's the poor victim of an odd sex change
performed by aliens with heads rather strange
she likes Studly's muscles so nice and round
cheats like a mofo when he's not around

she'll sleep with Hippo McGee in 12A
who's split down the middle both straight and gay!
when Sally leaves him he sneaks off so coy
and splashes around with the buff pool boy

whose name is Sharky a head like a fin
sneaks off with old ladies takes them some gin
he's been seen going to Estella Boufant's
but it's not her hoo hoo he really wants!

she's loaded with cash way up past her knees
and for a c-note he's eager to please!
when sex is over she runs off with glee
has it again with one Loopy St. Bee!

so tell me dear are you getting this down?
all the lust and madness sleeping around
that's all for now i'm sure you get the gist
time to hop into our own little tryst!

so let's do the deed now let's get it on
not think of tomorrow when we're both gone
off to find others down tenement halls
with bigger boobies or yet bigger ba---

well you get the idea!