oh i sneezed and i fell
my big butt hit the floor
jumped up as my face blushed
i knocked hard on the door
"so nervous to meet you
young miss Penny Devor
some call you a princess
(and yet others say whore!)

was given your number
by my buddy named Fletch
he says you're his neighbor
at the tenement netch
i find him a good boy
but some whine and kvetch
they say he's a grumpass
a cantankerous letch!

but he did fix us up
on this fateful blind date
i brought you some flowers
that i hope you don't hate
on them bees are circling
such a peculiar trait
so try not to get stung
or else we might be late!

i've made reservations
at Mr. Bumpee's at six
they serve up big burgers
and wow with magic tricks
with balloons and baboons
who juggle such big bricks
top it off with ice cream
and sweet peppermint licks!"

we ran to the restaurant
just in time for the show
but found that the baboon
has started a big row
and cream cakes were flying
through the air, don't you know
a candle fell on you
and i tried hard to blow!

but you found me so fresh
and you gave me a whack
and then called me pervert
social graces i lack
you fled with the baboon
down a tiny toy track
left me with cold burgers
dripping grease from the sack!

so i went to see Fletch
at his place so it goes
he asked how it went then
i punched him in the nose!
he said "whatsamatta...
was she not just a rose?"
i said "more like a thorn"
and then stomped on his toes!

i huffed as i puffed off
on my way to the pub
to get drunk off my ass
perhaps grab me some grub
ran into a sweet thing
Miss Polly T. McNub
she offered me cold cuts
and a hearty back rub

so we sauntered on off
to her room at 5B
and munched on baloney
washed down with sweet tea
she brought out a feather
to try and tickle me
it just left me sneezy
and so wanting to pee!

so i raced off to find
a dark tree in the night
to cover my shame yes
and conceal all my fright
but ole Polly did follow
and soon laughed with delight
the size of my member
she referred to as "slight!"

ran all the way home then
pulled sheets over my head
vowed never to venture
much too far from my bed
for these girls were crazy
all so sick in the head
much safer to stay home
and watch skin flicks instead!