i watch, eyes agog
at my bubbling brew
notions and potions
they cook and they stew
frogs hop all around
they croak and they spew
the tenement netch
basement number two...

i'm the good doctor
dr. willy von klute
face like a monkey
and eyes like a newt
some scream at my looks
but some find me cute
come to my dark lab
you'll holler and hoot!

in long glass test tubes
there's mixtures galore
and deep in closets
there are ten times more
come have a sip now
you'll see what's in store
make you a monster
a tusky wild boar!

perhaps a spider
all hairy and such
or a wee hedgehog
that's so hard to touch
an armadillo
a shell for your crutch
purry young kitten
we'd all love so much!

this brew makes you tall
and this one so short
perhaps a big nose
with just one small snort
this one is handy
when you go to court
makes you so horny
like sailors at port!

and here in this box
a triumph so grand
made me a person
with my own mad hand
stands six-feet-ten yes
of pebbles and sand
shakes as he walks like
a maraca band!

gave him a heart yes
that beats oh so big
and when he's lovestruck
he'll squeal like a pig
runs up and hollers
"it's you that i dig!"
the lady will gasp
and then flip her wig!

the poor monster sulks
some, belches and cries
barrels of teardrops
fall from his big eyes
"i'm not a beauty
and never so wise
but check out my jeans...
the biggest of flies!"

i, as creator
feel bad for the fool
face full of crators
but hung like a mule
a shame he'll never
make all the girls drool
i scratch my bald head
i sit on my stool

atop my noggin
goes off a bright light
a doc in 6B
can set this all right
master of surgeons
Doc Iggy Delight
give him the botox
and skin milky white

the creature becomes
a prince with a steed
the ladies now love him
his passion they feed
my eyes see dollars
so caught up in greed
i'll pimp this boy out
get wealthy indeed!

he works the corner
of tenement square
in tight black hot pants
and wavy blonde hair
the women all swoon
they don't even care
float when they see him
and twirl in midair!

i sit at my desk
i rake it all in
money for madness
and monsterous sin
girls all leave happy
pop me on the chin
say "how fabulous...
we'll be back again!"

i'm doctor willy
a madman and pimp
on monsterous parts
no...i'll never skimp
so come down, see me
if you're not a wimp
for men so pretty
and not at all limp!