oh break out the clackers
and your fuzzy knee highs
put on your big hats now
that tickle all the skies!

it's time to get fancy
so brassy and so bold
time for the big hoedown
so yes bring young and old!

for the tenement netch
they put on a great show
so glitzy and so jazzy
no this one it won't blow!

the stage is all set up
with streamers and the lights
the gold awning covers
this big night of all nights!

so please take your seat friends
as we spotlight the stage
and bring on the show now
(it'll be just all the rage!)

Wally the Great Weasel Man
who lives up in 12B
with serve as our grand host
our most buck-tooth'd emcee

"hey ladies and gents there!"
he whistles all his words
"welcome to our grandeur
the night of the absurd!

so sit your butts down please
as you eat your popcorn
and welcome to our stage here
Miss Luella Dijorn"

and then up to the stage
a big girl does appear
clad in a tutu with
a poodle and a beer

she takes a big swig yes
belches rather loud
her dog jumps and pees
a moment not so proud!

she tiptoes and leaps up
to a classical tune
her dog howls and dances
such a lovable loon!

the audience boos her
and then throws tomatoes
they then call her tutu
a sack of potatoes!

a hook reaches out then
and pulls her off the stage
she gives them the finger
the dog yaps out in rage!

in a huff and a puff
she makes her way on back
to behind the building
to a ramshackle shack

in there are the fireworks
for the finale so grand
and she grabs em all up
with her big shaky hand

and meanwhile on the stage
Sir Lippy McDroodle
is trying to juggle
whilst being chased by the poodle!

and outside the awning
now deck'd out in all black
Miss Luella Dijorn
plans her line of attack

she lines up the rockets
and explosives and such
and drinks five more brewskis
(she likes them oh so much!)

she takes out a long match
rubs it on two brass poles
she belches and mutters
"i will get you assholes!"

she smiles and she hisses
and then lights all the fuses
then falls on her backside
and gets a few bruises

she then heads for the hills
as the fireworks go off
she collects her poodle
as Sir Lippy does scoff

and all around the stage
at the tenement square
are explosions of color
and such booming to spare!

and the people all panic
saying "this is not cool!"
they run past the hedges
and fall splat in the pool!

and from high up a hill
Luella sees it all
she's drunk as a skunk yes
but just having a ball!

the firemen do scurry
and they put out the blaze
what happens next well hey
it's all kind of a haze

the cops find Luella
all passed out on the hill
they put her in handcuffs
such a naughty ole pill!

and so needless to say
as we whine and kvetch
there'll be no more big shows
at the tenement netch!