i stumble out of bed
hit the ground on all fours
and grab hold of the walls
and the knobs on the doors
try to get my balance
a handle on my chores
fall down on my keester
my butt cheeks full of sores...

i wobble on my knees
i try to reach the sink
wanna splash my face some
shock my skin back to pink
belch out rather loudly
my armpits sure do stink
smile into the mirror
laugh and then give a wink...

eyes are oh so bloodshot
a wicked shade of red
thoughts are kinda woozy
just swimming in my head
if i had any sense
i'd go right back to bed
my body is a throbbin
gawrd wish that i were dead...

i tumble back to my bed
i stumble on a sight
someone under covers
gawrd who'd i do last night?
slowly pull back bedsheets
i scream right out in fright
see a horny clown there
red nose tied on too tight...

and on his feet he has
ole twenty inch sized shoes
all across his body
a hundred clown tattoos
makeup caked on his face
of golds and pinks and blues
scan across my body
to search for sim'lar hues...

and all of the sudden
i jump back in surprise
he springs up in the bed
opens up his big clown eyes
he looks at me and pouts
lets out a dozen sighs
"how did i end up here
how was i so unwise?"

i then cuss up a storm
this silly sassy clown
how can he reject me?
the studly man in town?
grabs his hat runs away
and cries out with a frown
calls me king of assholes
no brains under my crown...

pour myself some coffee
and think bout this a bit
where does bozo get off
telling me all this shit?
get a little tick'd off
and throw a hissy fit
dash off to the toilet
to blow chunks for a bit!