Thank you for calling, my name is “Nevermind”. Do you really give a shit, what my name is. Tell you what, my real name is Almario Dela Cruz, now, would you allow me to help you?

Guess not! But, since I have a family to feed and I need to earn few more cents of your dollars, let me try that one more time: “Thank you for calling, my name is John. How may I help you, sir?”

Hold your horses, mister, I am not a machine. Do you really expect me to keep up with someone with verbal diarrhoea? Why do you always rush? Yeah yeah, I know. Busy bees like you need the quickest service you can get. But, I can’t multitask 24/7, specially, when the caller is speaking 3000 words per minute. I know you know, I am in a different continent, so you better slow down and enunciate clearly.

Anyway, I’ll just pretend I am listening, by saying ‘uhuh’ and ‘okay’ every single time you pause or, I’ll just put myself on mute and check my mails, while you finish ranting about our supposed nasty service.

Whoa! You got disconnected 10 times already? Well, guess, this calls for my super fake empathy statement: “I am really sorry, to hear that...” If that does not work, let me try: “You know what sir, I’ll bring this to my supervisor’s attention...”

There you go. I like you better when you sound calm. What’s the issue again? Sorry, had to pee while you were giving your oratorical speech.

Oh, that’s your issue? Hmm... Let me check that! Be placing you on hold for 30 minutes, give and take. Then, I’ll come back with either half the answer you are expecting or I might just transfer you blindly to another representative, if I get bored searching. But, of course, what you’ll hear from me is this: “May I place you on hold for 1 to 2 minutes?”

What the hell, I’ll just disconnect you again!