Bitter Fruit

I’m so freakin tired
Of being
What men want me to be
Wrapped up in artificial, superficial
Unrealistic, Fabulistic
Tired ass
Played out
Ideas of what
A woman
Is supposed to be

Used to be
Sugar and spice
And all that’s nice
Then it was bringing home the bacon
And fryin it in a pan
Make up your mind
Do you want a woman
Or a man?

Leather and lace
Whips and chains
Denim and tshirts
I’m sick of this game

A preachers wife
And hoe at night
Thick chick with big legs
and a round bootay
Or thin as a rail and wasting away

Long hair
Short hair
Dark hair
Blonde hair
Who cares!

Too black
Too strong
Too weak
Too white
Too quick to speak my mind
In a fight

Too much heavy metal
Too much R&B and rap
Too much alternative music
They think is crap

I’ve adapted and molded
Picked up my cards and folded
Pushed
Pulled
Supported
And carried
Dated
Lived with
One time
Even lost my mind
And briefly married

Gave when I was spent
Shared my home
And my bed
Said what I meant
And meant what I said
Put someone else first
Played the wife
Mother
And nurse

Been cheated on
Beaten on
Felt joy and pain
Was there for the good times
And stood by their side
In the rain
In the end
It was all the same

Been loving and sweet
While I gritted my teeth
Listened to them bitch and complain
While I reached down deep
For strength
Not to do the same

All of them constantly looking
For something else
As they window shopped
For women
Like toys on a shelf
Give em what they need
But it’s not what they want
You can write it in crayon
And it’s still
The wrong font!

They’re in love one minute
The next unsure
Love em too much
Not enough
They don’t get
What’s real
And pure

Why must it always be
A womans job
To please?
Prince Charmings
A fairy tale
And love
A disease

Love a four letter word
Earned through suffering
I didn’t deserve
Not man enough to do right
Love shoulda brought
Yo ass home last night!

Damnit!
Why can’t I find a real man?
To love me
Through and through
Thick and thin
For all ALL that I am?

One who’ll work hard
And treat me right
One who doesn’t think
I don’t love him
If we don’t fuss and fight
One who isn’t fixated
On race
And allows me space
To grow and live
Mature and unselfish
Who’s able to give
Without keeping a tally of what I owe
A man who understands
You reap
What you sow

I’m not ‘her'
Or like 'this one' or 'that one'
Tall one
Skinny one
Short one
I’m not even the
White, Hispanic or Black one

Stop lookin at women
Through a damn zipper
You had the one
In your hand
Like a fool
Couldn’t keep her

Keep hoping
And trying to stay open
For a man
Who’s wise
With kind eyes
Imperfection
With affection

He can make me laugh
By the look on his face
Easy
We can chill
Anytime
Any place

Not afraid to hold me
Knows he’s not my daddy
Always tryin to scold me
Not afraid to sometimes
Let me have my way
Not lyin around the house all day
He’s got balance
Handles his business
But he’s not all work and no play
Committed without sorrow
Not here today
And gone tomorrow

Sweet lovin at night
That resonates like light
As the twinkle in my eyes
Tells no lies
And I smile and sigh
On a natural high
Happy to be home
Without wondering ‘why’?

So for now
I stay busy
Work and school
Til I’m dizzy
Patiently waitin
Not complicatin
The possibility
That might one day come to be
A man
A real man
Who’ll love ME
For ME