I find myself sitting in my lectures
Wondering what I am doing
Here I am at a prestigious institution of higher learning
Feeling like a fraud
And worse feeling that I am being deceived

You sit there telling me the stories
Of your drunken escapades
Glorifying your bad behaviour
Do you expect me to be jealous?
Do you expect me to be happy for you?

I used to be afraid of being alone
I saw the way that loneliness could take someone over
I saw how it was big and dark
And how , like the ocean, you could drown in it

Nothing
I sit at the keyboard
Trying to find inspiration
As the clock ticks away in the background
Suddenly an idea emerges
I type it down madly

Today I looked at the picture of us on my shelf
The picture I had stared at for hours and days and even years
The picture where I am in my favourite white dress and

Sometimes your heart will break
And your soul will become inflamed
Your body will ache with the intensity
Of your sadness and confusion
And You will want to pound at your chest

The road is long and twisting as it is set out before me
It reminds me of our youth
When we would open our arms and spin around as fast as we could manage

It is impossible to miss the stares that people give my bruised and cut body
I am unable to hide from the marks you branded into me
The marks of your anger
The marks of my fear

I find it so crazy, I find it so sad
The fear that people have against aging
The useless war waged against inevitable wrinkles
And sagging skin and body parts

Once upon a time
Not so very long ago
There lived a little girl
With no family and no place to go

The girl was young and fair
But all she wanted was to put down roots

I feel as though I am being awoken from a dream
Cruelly awoken from a fantasy more magical then reality will ever be
And no matter what I do I can not fall back asleep

A very special person
once told me to open my heart
open it up to whom ever and what ever comes it's way
they told me it would get cracked and maybe even broken

Have you ever really wondered
why we live the way we do
why we place importance
on silly things like pride
even when they cost us love
even when they cost us each other

I stand before the girl in the mirror
and gaze deeply into the foreign eyes
the eyes of myself
the eyes of a person who has known sorrow
the eyes of a girl that has grown up

The night flowed through the window
across my pale skin
as I breathed in the warm mid-summer air
and felt that you were there with me