This is a poem
I'm writing a poem
I have a BlackBerry
Not to be confused with a blackberry
You can't eat it
Well technically you could
But you would probably die
Like the old lady who swallowed a fly
It would be hard to eat though
You would probably break your teeth
But if you actually could chew it
The electricity would surge through you once you bit into the battery
Unless it was dead
If it was dead
You would probably get poisoned
From the plastic or some material inside it
So don't eat BlackBerries
Unless you want to die
But you can eat blackberries
Blackberries are good
They taste yummy
Especially in cobbler
With Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream on top
I want some now
But even some blackberries can be poisonous
So buy them in the grocery store if you can
If you have to pick wild ones
Just make sure you know how to identify whether or not
They're poisonous
Cheese is good
It's yummy
And cheesy
And foody
Like blackberries
Foody isn't a word
So don't criticize me
Because I know it's not a word
I usually have good grammar
Scissors cut things
You could cut a platypus with scissors
I don't mean dissect him like in a lab
I mean like a live one
I know it would be mean
But you could still do it
You might just get in trouble with the animal rights activists
The bureau of missing socks
Ate me yesterday
I don't know why
I'm not a sock
But it was kinda fun
Until I heard that loud noise
No
I'm not telling you what the noise was
You have to figure that out on your own
But it's none of your business
Unless you're a sock
If you indeed are a sock
Then lick a monkey knuckle
Monkey knuckles are fun
They're fun to do stuff to
Like go to the movies with
I've never been to the movies with a monkey knuckle
But I just know it would be fun
Trust me
You don't trust me do you
Well you should
Or else
I'll do something to you
Something really bad
I don't know what
I'll decide later
Backpacks
Rhymes with smackwacks
Which also rhymes with butter
Okay not really
But it would be cool if it did
Nutter Butter Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies
Sleep
Swing low, sweet chariot
Coming five to carry me to your mom's house
Where she'll cook for me
She'll cook a poop sandwich
And it will blow up in the oven
And you'll have burnt poop in the oven
And all over your kitchen
I think that should be the real lyrics to the song
Okay, that would actually be a bit sacreligious
I spelled that wrong
It's underlined in red
But I don't want to correct it
I'm a religious person
But I do think God has a sense of humor
He probably likes poop too
God doesn't poop
But Jesus did
Like 2,000 years ago
He did wonderful things
Like dying for all the sins of mankind
I'm so thankful for His sacrifice
But at the same time
I'm glad He pooped
If He didn't
He would have died before He died for us
Air conditioners
Are cool
Literally
And figuratively
They're cool temperature-wise
And neatness-wise
My mouth is dry
I should probably get a drink
But I don't want to
I'm enjoying writing this poem
Screw drinking
Drinking is for sissies
Not really
Even macho men drink water and stuff
Stuff like sulfuric acid
Okay not really
They would die if they did that
Unless it had really low concentration
There may be a macho man out there
Who drinks 0.00001 molar sulfuric acid
Maybe I should
What if I turned into a carrot
That would be cool
At least for a while
Until someone came and ate me
That wouldn't be fun
So yeah
I don't think I'll drink any H2SO4
Printer fluid
What are you thinking stupid
Printers don't have fluid
Yes they do
They have ink
Well that's not really a fluid stupid
You're stupid
And retarted
No you're retardeder
Because you spelled retarded
With a T
Instead of a D
No you're MORE retarded
Because you can't add -er
To a word more than two syllables
Retarded has three syllables
Okay we need to stop talking about retarded people
Some people actually can't help it
Like people with Down's Syndrome
They're good people
At least the ones I've met are
I'm sure there are bad ones too
But no worse than anyone else
You shouldn't judge people based on their
Mental distorders
So yeah
There
Here
Everywhere
In my hair
Eat a pair
Of underwear
Or a pair
Of pears
That would taste better than underwear
With poop on them
Like the poop that your mom put on my sandwich
That got all over the kitchen
Human tongues
Are not rat tongues
Rat tongues are much smaller
Or do rats even have tongues
I don't know
But they do have teeth
Teeth rhymes with beeth
Which should be the plural form
Of booth
Why not
The plural of tooth is teeth
So the plural of booth should be beeth
Psychology
Is a very interesting subject
Especially neuropsychology
Why is that underlined with red
It is not mispelled
But that was
I misspelled misspell on purpose
So don't call me stupid
Call me an albino gopher
I'm not one
But you can call me one anyway
But only call me one a few times
If you exceed the limit
I'll shoot you in the face
With a pistol
Loaded with mustard
Then I can call you mustardface
Actually if I loaded a pistol with mustard
It would probably ruin the gun
Which is fun
When eating a bun
But not a hot dog bun
Or a hamburger bun
Heck not even a paintball gun
Wait a paintball gun isn't a bun
What I meant was a honeybun
Or a honey bun
Whichever way it's spelled
Eat more beef
Jonathan
Is a really cool guy
He taught me how to write poetry
The best part of waking up
Is Folger's in your cup
She's hot
And single
She's probably not real though
She's probably really an anaerobic toothbrush
Coming to take over the world
Plasticface
There's face on your plastic
Yes that's what I said
Not plastic on your face
Face on your plastic
You gotta problem with that
I thought so
It's getting late
I'm not that tired
But I should go to bed anyway
I need to go to church tomorrow
Goodnight
Sweet dreams
Dream about me
And my anaerobic toothbrush
Okay really
Goodnight
Crap
I hate goodbyes
Okay really this time
I mean it
So long
Farewell
Goodbye
Goodnight
I mean good morning
It's like 1:41 in the morning
Eat a spider in your sleep
You know you want to
Maybe not
But I bet you have before
Most people do swallow spiders in their sleep
Siyonara
Adios
Buenos noches
Buenos nachos
Con queso y jalapeños
Muy muy sabroso
Delicioso
No soy un oso
Soy una persona
Dressed up like an oso
In a grade oso costume-o
And there's this other dude beside me
Dressed up like a kangaroo-o
And Bingo is his name-o
Okay seriously I need to go now
I don't want to sleep through church
So yeah
Bye
Fellow weird people