A Hole Inside my Soul
While in school when I was young
I always sat alone.
There was that feel of being strange,
marched to a different tone.
My body was like all the rest,
like those of friends and kin.
But way back then there was that rub,
no comfort in my skin.
No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.
As I grew inside me felt
like chaos had run wild.
Emotions took me left then right
and never calm or mild.
Soon I found an emptiness
that grew and over took.
Whatever tried to fill that void,
serene was soon forsook.
No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.
As a man I heard it said
“a hole was in my soul.”
Just like the villain in a play
it had the leading role.
I tried and tried,
day in and out,
to fill this void in me.
Discovering
in liquid form,
booze solved this trickery.
No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.
It worked awhile way back when
and soon I did realize.
It fueled the emptiness inside,
became anesthetized.
Spirit gone, I was bankrupt
my mind was so unclear.
A spiritual awakening,
a cure to fix my fear.
No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.
Today I try to fill that void,
it’s one day at a time.
Using things like faith and hope,
support from my Divine.
My soul is now a place
for things kept close to me.
Acceptance and a willingness,
these things will set me free.
No longer in captivity
or just thinking why.
A child sitting by myself
assuming I was shy.
No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.
I now know I’m not alone
not strange or most unique.
There are so many just like me
that have the same physique.
Baby steps just twelve of them
I’ve done all in a row.
They’ve filled that hole once in my soul,
allowing me to grow.
No longer do I have to yell,
no more a big whirlwind.
I’ve filled that hole found in my soul,
I live inside my skin …
Copyright © 2007 Ronald J. Edwards
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could relate to what you
could relate to what you write ...because..i used to be that way too before... but i am glad my hole in my soul is filled now..have written 'The quest " ...a poem on a similar theme...enjoyed the read,thanks for sharing
mimi
Ronald J. Edwards
Trinity Ink
http://trinityinkexperiencestrengthandhope.blogspot.com
I will read your poem the Quest and take it all to heart.
Thanks for reading and I am glad you can relate.
:)
ron
Powerfully Honest
In my mind this a very strong and brutally honest write. To me it describes very well the lonliness of being/feeling different. The title you chose, 'A Hole Inside My Soul', is very apt. As you say in this piece, you know you're not alone, I'm sure many have been a bit 'lost' for a while. Certainly know that I was. You commented on a piece of mine, 'Bar Story', saying that we must have trod similar paths, this is another example perhaps.
Great write Ron,
Dave
Hey Dave,
Ronald J. Edwards
Trinity Ink
http://trinityinkexperiencestrengthandhope.blogspot.com
I am sure our lives have traveled the same roads and stumbled down the same paths. Best part is that we are both alive and well enough to recongize how and where we both are today. Thank you very much for taking time to read my poem and comment on it so honestly
warm regards
ron
this was really good
ron, easy to read, simple, powerful subject. I know this as the person standing by watching helplessly, having faith, love, frustration, hope. It's hard. I was lucky to find grace although I don't have it all the time but I think you touched on that here. I liked how you wrote this. raskin
a song
Ronald J. Edwards
Trinity Ink
http://trinityinkexperiencestrengthandhope.blogspot.com
Raskin, sometimes in our lives we come to the understanding and realization that we have to turn the microscope inwards, be ready to accept what we find and ask for the strength and wisdom to do whatever it takes to make things right. I have found that acceptance in who and what I am was the first and most important step in my recovery in filling that hole in my soul. This piece started out as a poem, I added stanza's and turned it inot my first song which I'd like to put music to one day. I've contacted a group in Scotland called Biffy Cylro
to do it. they are thinking about it. Linkin Park would also be the style or band the way I'd like to hear it played.
Thanks again for reading and commenting :)
ron
i really enjoyed this read,
i really enjoyed this read, when i was in elementary school i always felt like the black sheep...and it wasnt until later years in my life after experimenting with certain things my perception changed/became distorted to what it once was. your not alone, theres nothing wrong with being different. when afterall, we all have hearts and souls (well most of us) and we all deserve to be accepted but its hard in this tough society. living inside your own skin is perfection in a sense...or close to it
:)
Ronald J. Edwards
Trinity Ink
http://trinityinkexperiencestrengthandhope.blogspot.com
thanks 2012 for reading it. Seems each of us think we are different and unique. We are all the same, the furniture is just arranged differently in each of our apartments ...
:)
ron
good way to put it =) i look
good way to put it =)
i look at it like its all a universal chain reaction, we all respond to eachother and communication exists because we have the ability to understand words and actions, emotions and thoughts
ron
I've come back to this one, it is interesting. I've loved and love a lot of people in recovery. As I am, it is beautiful watching someone when they start the journey in earnest with full realization. It is incredible to see and sometimes I don't think the person who is in the midst of the pain and realization realizes the the beauty in what they are doing and accomplishing. But it is there nonetheless. raskin
I take no credit
Ronald J. Edwards
Trinity Ink
http://trinityinkexperiencestrengthandhope.blogspot.com
This internal conflict that so many suffer from; the disease of the attitudes, addiction of drugs, alcoholism, is conquered thru the acceptance of who and what we are. That remorse and despair can be replaced with hope and faith. A daily reprieve can be attained as long as a spiritual condition is maintained. It is truly a miracle when recovery comes, one day at a time. that the hole in our soul can be filled.
Thank you Raskin for renewing my faith and helping me continue with my primary purpose, “To stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety”.
Sincerely
Ronald J. Edwards