Insanity
Ron Kinard (c) 2009
scrambled thoughts
clouding the mind, torturing the soul
boggling, juggling
tossed around
confused and dismayed
bouncing around
in a cloud
of shit
why are these voices in my head...
...telling me that I should be dead
being accused, blamed
tormented
for things
not even considered
"the guilty dog barks first"
why are you barking at me?
are you the one
committing the atrocities
you so easily blame me for?
"the guilty dog barks first"
so why are you barking at me?
all the signs are there
is this how you relieve
your guilt?
the voices tell me I should die...
...no tears left to even cry
chest pains, headache
soul is on fire
everything that I say
you call me a liar
scattered thoughts
without conception
confused by your
sly deception
the voices will not turn me loose...
...until I'm hanging from a noose
mind over matter
does it matter?
struggling, gasping
trying to breathe
not hungry, can't sleep
banging my head against the wall
wanting the voices to
SHUT THE HELL UP!!
nah, nah, nah boo-boo...
...you head is full of doo-doo
I surrender
my life is naught
I give up
you have me caught
I'm guilty of
all accused
tired of being
so abused
life is worthless, it's a spoof...
...are you listening, you want proof
taking the blame
for everything
go ahead, keep it
diamond ring
balls out, feet fist
running out the door
falling down, crashing
lying on the floor
no more voices in my head...
dying, dying, dying...dead
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Once again,
you have done what I wanted and put your words in black and white in such a way as to make me want to cry. Wondering what kind of woman could do this to such a wonderful kind man?
Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.
- Mark Twain's Notebook, 1898
~Terrifying Subject~
This poetry is very dark and uncomfortable to read, but it reflects a very important part of our nature. The pain of rejected love is raw and unbearable. I think we mourn some losses the rest of our life.
The text was strong and flowing. I would find another word to express anquish...beside -shit-. -Shit- and its other synonyms are used in our anger, but are they really used in our moments of extreme anquish? I know it feels like clouds are raining -shit- when life seems bleak. The word -shit- takes me immediately to "potty" humor and breaks the dark tone...for me.
May peace be with you friend.
Yours truly,
Kathy
Kathy
I hope you've never experienced severe clinical depression, if you had you would understand the meaning of "shit" in this poem. Mud,, abyss even Hell isn't strong enough and I certainly wasn't meaning for it to come across as being "potty humor". Being so depressed you feel like you are literally up to your neck in it. Each movement is restricted, each thought clouded, smells and taste even change. You look like shit, feel like shit, each thought is shitty (how many ways can I end this) eveyone and eveything around you (looks, smells, tastes feels), everything you touch turns into shit. There isn't even a darkness dark enough or a black black enough to express the feeling of being down so low. I appreciate the critique and see where you are going, I value your opinion. I can't seem to find one word that would have the impact that ahh hemm..shit unfortunately did. thank you again, Ron
*"whenever in doubt, dream...inspiration will happen when you least expect it.." r/k 2-2009
http://members.tripod.com/Ron_Kinard
~Ron~
Life is definitely a roller coaster ride, and the thrills seem to be coming quicker and steeper these days. There seem to be more downs than ups. I am very grateful for your talent and the courage it takes to express the pain of severe depression. I do understand, and I am glad we can be refreshment for each other.
Warm regards,
Kathy
insanity
I think we're all crazy to an extent. Freud said something about that regarding who we are in subconsciousness. But some plunge way too far into those depths and aren't able to escape, which is an awful thing. Very creative and haunting write, Ron K.
*
i am sitting here after reading your poem, feeling numb... can't remain unaffected by your words - powerful and gut-wrenching.
Thank you
for all the support and comments. seems you struggled through this one? Well, having depression is similar, in ALL ways struggling to make it through another day. Hopefully, if you haven't experienced it (depression) you never will. I almost didn't make it, some don't. It's sad times infinity if you can imagine that? Looking back on it is a nightmare waiting in the wings. I'm glad I have friends that can be understanding and can reach out to, I don't know what I'd do without them~Ron
*"whenever in doubt, dream...inspiration will happen when you least expect it.." r/k 2-2009
http://members.tripod.com/Ron_Kinard
Responsible
We are responsible for our actions and not or thoughts. You have some incredible thoughts here but since you are not sending it from jail I can assume you have curbed your actions.
Great write Ron as usual .....
ron
The only time I look down on another is when I am bending to help them up.
Strong Piece
As you say, the word 'shit' is not strong enough.........but like you, I don't know of a word that is.
Strong piece on a difficult time. I've tried writing on this subject myself, 'It' was one attempt.
Good write,
Dave