I become very scared;
Scared I will not be able to transmit to you.
Transmit my thoughts, and dreams and visions onto this paper.
I fear I will be punished for my sins;
Fear that God will make me re-pay for what I have done not in Charity;
But in pain and punishment.
I become stuck with no words left in my mouth.
My angel tells me otherwise though,
She whispers
“Go on, let the words bleed my child.”
So I try my best to transmit.
Transmit these feelings and experiences of love and betrayal to you dear reader.
I lay awake in the darkness.
Worried and wondering when I will feel comfortable to write these words for you.
Every day I mourn for the sins I have done, it is not until late-late in the night am I allowed to enjoy my passions.
And I can stop myself whenever an evil thought crosses my mind.
I am truly a bad man trying to be good.
I feel the constant storms.
Grabbing them by the reigns,
Holding on for the ride.
I am still madly in love too;
It’s gets very lonely sometimes.
I told her it’s best we not see each other,
Cursed her name in the car and then worked on getting my head right.
I sit alone listening to the loan rooster hastily waiting for the sun.
Oh how I have come to despise that star.
As vital as it may be.
I am going to sleep my dear reader.
“Sweet nightmares.”
Is what the writer hears.