Peacock Dance

Blue, emerald green,
Golden brown
With mysterious sheen
Dance in ecstasy
To soundless symphony
Along the lake
With a charming grace
An alluring sight to behold
True,divine colours
With all the splendour
Mystical shades
Drenched in love
The soul in elation
Whirls and whirls
Dance the peacock
And along with him
The whole universe!

Beautiful poem

Hi Quillpen
You convey a wonderful description in your words
Since you asked me for a review perhaps I can mention a few points.
1.Don't repeat the same word too much such as "charming" in lines 7 and 9.
Kate
2.Maybe
The peacock dances
and the whole...
might be better...
3."the heart exposed" is a metaphor set in the middle of non metaphorical language.. so it gives me the impression of the physical heart being exposed
I am unsure what to suggest, deep feeling exposed??
Maybe you may think of some other words?

I hope this is what you wanted...
I like your style and the topic.
Best wishes,Kate

Y

Thanks

i thank you for such a sincere review. I'd consider the points that you suggested. May upload it again.

yes peacock s dance is a

yes peacock s dance is a great delight.vivid description.weldone

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.