Monkey in my Pants
By David Smyth

One morning when the sun arose
I opened up my closet
To my surprise my pants were drenched
in a browney wet deposit
What was this stuff in which my clothes
Were thoroughly embalmed
I pulled them out to take a look
And got it on my hand
I showed it to my Mum and Dad
And they were quite confused
Nothing had they ever seen
Quite matched this smelly ooze
I showed it to my high school prof
But he just scratched his head
He directed me to his rabbits vet
That he might know instead
The vet it seemed had no idea
And sent me to the zoo
And there is was I realised
This stuff was monkey poo
I headed home and checked the press
Where the crap came first apparent
There Id hoped Id uncover
This hairy fiend so arrant
Low and behold the ape was there
Flinging heaps of Dung
I politely asked the thing to leave
He said he would when he was done
And so it would seem that we should fear
Not Trousers full of ants
But we should instead be weary of
A monkey in our pants.