When I was born I measured thus
12 inches long from head to foot
Then 2 feet I reached quite fast
before the doctor smacked my ass
While my mother rested weary
1 meter long so very nearly
Then finally when we got home
To the untrained eye, quite fully grown
By the time I started school
I sat outside as a rule
As my growth spurt went on unabated
I nearly was uneducated
And when I married my true love
And the page boy released 4 white doves
My wife stood atop the eifle tower
And tossed her bouqet of pretty flowers
I kissed her lightly on the face
Though my feet were at the base.
My conditon was hereditary
But my kids, thank God, were ordinary
Then cremated when I did pass
It made good sense when they did the math
To make a coffin ten miles long
They'd have to fell the amazon
And so they tossed my charred remains
Into the channel shipping lanes
4000 more were sent to graves
From the resulting tidal waves