My shadow has been torturing me!
I hid in my closet for an hour because she wouldn't stop farting.
She would only speak to me in Chinese even though she knows I only speak Hawaiian.
I had to go to the emergency room to have the legos she put up my nose removed.
She needed an x-ray because she swallowed 41 cents because she had no pockets.
Then she forced me to ride up and down in the elevator
spraying anyone who tried to get on with a fire extinguisher.
She has "issues".
I think its because she was a gypsy in a past life
who drank a love potion meant for another
and lost her heart to a giraffe.
She turned my Barbie doll into a Paris Hilton voodoo doll.
Then I came home to find all my furniture rearranged.
She said I would thank her later for my good karma thanks to her feng shui.
She convinced me to practice being spider man by climbing up my chimney,
but I turned into santa clause when I fell down instead.
She forced me to help her spray paint a vagina on the front of Wal-mart,
she said it needed to be more inviting.
I had to help her look for caterpillars because she was throwing a funeral for a dragonfly and
needed 40 concubines.
The last straw was when she hijacked a bus full of senior citizen Chinese tourists.
She brought them home and forced us all to play naked musical chairs to 'Stairway to Heaven'.
(I think she's a nudist)
Thank god she's hibernating for winter....
I was tempted to sale her to the circus!