How many times do I have to say I give up before I literally break?
I’ve had it up past my boiling point, how much more you want me to take?
How hard is it for you to simply thrown your hands up and say you’re done?
Even after all the ups and downs and the problems you faced and won?
After the times you knew you flat out swore that shit was simply no good
No matter the countless times you flipped and rewrote the script and understood?
Huh? How many?
How many sleepless nights did you endure, even if you had a thousand hands and you still couldn’t get the correct figure?
Had people look at you like you were fucking certifiable like, “Look at this dumb ass nigga?”
As if you simply walked blind, knowingly even though you knew all this risks?
Tell me, just tell me, just how you’d be able to handle this?
Huh, how? Just how?
Waking up blindly by love, refusing to see what you’d knowingly see
Asking yourself but never really answering for real, “Is this really me?”
Is it or was it that you knew it was destined to fail so you already blocked that piece of you that piece that’s save you just a little face?
Or was it simply that a love that felt this natural it really could never be replaced?
Or substituted, kinda feel like the other ones to follow would never measure up
So for what you epitomized and allowed to become reality is now sized up as a strong,”Man FUCK!”
Huh?... Just… damn… Huh?
The words I really wanna speak are like “Fuck you too dude! I fuckin hurt so much worse than you!”
I let down and showed a piece of me that could only belong to you
Stood in the face of adversity, overcame a devil that was riding me
But somehow I know you’re thinking, “It’s always about her, she don’t fucking see!”
Well I do, probably clearer than you could see yourself
You don’t live with the pain, the hurt or the anger, let alone anything else
Fuck playing the victim, the witness, the accused and the martyr
Shit I’ve begged on my knees even placed my soul up for sale to go back to the starter
Cuz I’m at the finish line in so many more ways than just one
My life started when I met you, but sadly mistaken in the same breath it was done
D E A D, guess I was holding out, praying for a miracle
But all I’ve been surviving on is a wish and a prayer, some kind of wonderful
Man, what the fuck you want from me, expect of me, shit detect of me?
Huh? Just what? What don’t I see?
Can’t hide behind these words, shit I can’t write it out fast enough
My soul has reached its limit, I need another cup!
I’m the worst you fucking expected of me
I’m not what you expected to be!
I’m so lost to and on what I got to be!
To be totally fucking honest, I’m simply tired of me!
Tired of this thought process, fucking tired of all these emotions
I want it all just to go away and sink to the bottom of the ocean
Simply relieve you from whatever debt to me that you THINK you owe
Give you the peace you so secretly long to know
I once told you I bleed feel and heal in the words that I feel
Sometimes too focused on the “”what will never happen” to deal with the real
In the time that I’ve known you I swore to ME, never to make a move I’d regret
Kinda funny how life plays out, my worst expectation with open arms I welcomed and accept!
Huh? Fuck goddamn! Huh? Just FUCK!
Please rid me of this pain I feel, goddamn I don’t know what to do
Keep lying to myself and keep pushing or force you to show me the truth??