SOMEBODY STOLE MY CAT!
I think somebody stole my cat.
It was here last night before I went out drinking and
having sexual relations with truck drivers.
Now it's not here and the window is open.
I didn't open the window;
I don't know who did.
Was it those aliens that abduct me sometimes,
make me dress up like Marilyn Monroe
and probe my orifices with chopsticks?
Did they come over again?
I told them to leave me alone!
Where did my cat go?
It's gone!
Someone must have taken it.
I WANT IT BACK!
So now I'm going around in a purple tutu to every house in my neighborhood
banging on doors asking
"Have you seen my cat?"
Most of the people just slam the door in my face
but some ask if I had a picture of it, which I don't.
They ask how they'd identify it,
and I say that I'm not sure.
Then I start dialing random cell phone numbers and
asking the people who answer if they'd seen my cat.
I get through to someone in Paraguay who curses me out in Spanish;
I don't think they have my cat.
In fact, I don't if anyone has my cat because I'm not sure it even exists.
Maybe I just imagined it
like I did with the baboon that I think lived in my closet
for a year before disappearing.
Its name was Fred but the voices in my head said its name was Steve.
I still called it Fred.
Anyway, if you see a cat somewhere it might be mine, though I'm not sure;
please return it to me regardless because I like cats.
Thanks.
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NEO??
You are so funny and....crazy. This was a good one for me...cuz i tend to lose focus on really long poems...but this was crazy fun!
You are NUTS in a good way.
i like nuts.
Linda
Lost Cat
Thanks, Linda! Glad you liked it! But if you have my cat, which may or may not exist, please return it to me. Gracias!
SOMEBODY STOLE MY CAT
dreamweaver519 (Nance)
This is great. Too funny. Nice to laugh before, off to bed, after viewing
the dreadful news
And I haven't seen your cat, I'm allergic to them. lol
Nance
Thanks for reading, Nance.
Thanks for reading, Nance. Glad my tale of cat theft could give you a chuckle. Since you're allergic to cats I guess I can cross you off the list of possible suspects.
Sorry, Freind..
Sorry, freind it was me! But it's only on lend.
All I can tell you at this stage, its thats its safe and well, eating plenty of salmon... and the experiment is coming along nicely. Whoops!....Did I say experiment....? Um I meant ...um....The cat show its performing in.
Must rush! Toodle pips!
x
I KNEW IT!
Debs, I thought it was you! I had a hunch that maybe you'd built a teleportation device like they have on Star Trek, the "beam-me-up" thing, and used it to beam over to my apartment whilst I was out and STEAL MY CAT! Don't hurt it! PLEASE! And don't feed it too much salmon. It only likes cereal and baked beans.
WHOOPS!
Whoops, I think I might have....wake up kitty kitty kitty......
x
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
If one hair on my imaginary cat is hurt, I'm putting on my jetpack and flying over to England right now! Don't think I won't! You leave my cat alone! And I thought squirrels would be kinder to their fellow animals!
:.)
The great thing about imaginary cats'....about imaginary anything, is that you can send them back 'n 'forth at any time.
That said, It's freezing here and i'm currently using it for a scalf.
Yeah, you're right about how
Yeah, you're right about how much fun imaginary objects are. That's why I got an imaginary cat in the first place. And I don't mind you using it as a scarf, LMAO! I have no need for a scarf here in Florida. Hope it warms up out there; I heard it's FREEZING and snowing like hell. Stay warm!
Your Cat!
I hope you find your kitty soon. This poem had me rolling. very clever and funny.
Take Care,
Anastasia Starlena
Thanks, Anastacia
Thanks for your well wishes. If my cat really does exist, then I hope I find it, too. Thanks for reading and please look out for a cat that may or may not exist. I'm going to sing koombayah now.
Afghan Mushrooms
Neo... Were you doing Afghan Mushrooms when you wrote this... Too Funny!
Ray AKA Yobarney
Ha!
No, unfortunately my supply of those ran out a long time ago. This was the result of some prescription drug abuse, but mostly just good ole-fashioned insanity. Thanks for reading and subsequently finding my cat!
Ugh....
I hadn't even had breakfast yet.... and I get hit with that truck driver line.... I just had to light another cigarette.... HEY, WAIT A MINUTE... maybe a truck driver took your cat.... you know how lonely they can get, lol, after reading this, I began to put my hands on everything, tv, tuning the radio, had to check my own reality, whew, everything still seems to be real, funny write-Lee
LMAO! It could well have
LMAO! It could well have been one of those truck drivers. I can't believe I didn't suspect them! And as far as reality goes, I lost hold of that a long time (as should be evidenced by this poem). If you find reality, in addition to my cat, please return it to me. Thanks.
neo...
u mentioned those aliens with the chopsticks....
pheeeww, I thought I was the only one.....peace
Falalangrang!
You aren't the only one! I also thought I was the only one the aliens were visiting! This is a very underreported thing...
Listen, next time they show up, yell, "falalangrang!" That means "leave me alone" in their language. Ever since I yelled that to them, they've stopped bothering me.
hehehe falalagrang
naaah, its all good now....they witnessed my bed head and flew away, I dont think they'll bother me again!
:D
Bedhead
Yes! Not only does it work for ridding ghosts, but aliens, too! Maybe I need to grow my hair longer...
This poem has a life of its on...
AND THATS GREAT! I had a hard day a work, come home (like the other day), noticed a new post on here (like I did the other day), and like the other day, I couldn't help but laugh!! Now that I think about it, truck driver theory would not hold water anyway, unless one followed you home... oh no I feel my head spinning from the non-sense of my imagination that has now become my reality, Thanks, now I need to lay down, wish I had more hair too, I think the "bedhead" theory works! I am blaming my lose of reality on the ailiens, it would have scared them away-Later-Lee
Sanity
I think this poem grew arms and legs and came into your house and stole your sanity. It stole mine, too. Not truck drivers, no, I don't think they'd ever touch my cat or harm a soul. LMAO at your comments! Thanks again for reading, Lee.
Silly
but truth is like that, isn't it. Read my Ode to Harvey. Great imagination NSF. raskin
Thanks
The truth is that imaginary animals go missing everyday and no one ever speaks up about it. I hope this poem raises awareness to the issue. Thanks for stopping by, Raskin.
I STOLE IT!
because you do not even know the sex of your own cat!
possessed by the spirit to share
LMAO!
Since I wasn't sure if it existed or not, I never bothered to check its gender. And when I brought it to the vet, they told me my catbox was empty and called the police, so I stopped worrying about it. Good eye for detail, Klonopin. You can keep it, just please don't let the Pakistani guy in a trench coat near it. Thanks.
What a crazy piece.
I am in stiches after reading this piece. Well penned.
Nothing good or memorable in life comes to us without first experiencing a little intensity.
--Cherri Oswald
Stolen imaginary animals
Thanks, Cherri. Have you ever had an imaginary animal stolen from you? I hope not; it's not very nice when people do things like that. Assuming it was a person and not one of the aliens. I hope none of your imaginary animals ever get stolen.
Hi
Hi. Cat here.
if you'd paid attention
if you showed you cared
I would be home with you
strutting my wares
the arrogant ways
cats have to bear
but no
you didn't
and I don't care
I'm sleeping with the bums
at the bottom of the stairs
I had a smile on my face the whole time reading this! I am extremely comedic, so any smile acheivement is quite an acheivement. I'm going to make acheivement into AC from now on. 'Cause I'm sick of writing it out. Too much labor there. Maybe if I just shut up, that'll end... Maybe
Great creative write!
Kudos and AC's!
Tom W
Coming soon... "Night of the awakening."
People stealing cats
You're a special person. I can tell by this lovely poem how much you care for your animals. I'd suspected many people from this poetry site of stealing my cat but not you. NO! And I bet that if you did steal a cat, you'd take it out for a walk or feed it something tastey and then bring it back to its owner promptly. I like your caring and compassionate nature. If the aliens show up to your house tonight and make you dress like Marilyn Monroe, tell them I said hi.