I open the gate to darkness with this tiny bag in my hand. I fumble to open it as fast as I can.
The alcohol is swimming deep in my veins, to feel the sensation of my white powered friend.
I finally open the gates to hell, as I grab the key and taste and smell.
That first taste slides down my throat and is burning but I do one more line still wanting and yearning.
I look in the mirror as I wash my hands, but no one is there only the demon now stands.
Success has been made, the reflection is gone, I am no one now, the light is gone.
I continue my charade all night long, deeper and deeper until the pain is all gone.
We laugh and we drink and we pass the lines, completing loosing all track of time.
Then in the corner of my eye something terrible I fear...It is the light of day starting to appear.
How can this be, where does the time go, I thought we said at 4am we go.
Now what do we do, the panic sets in, so let’s hurry and drink and shove the coke in.
This is the end as the party unwinds, there is no more whiskey, no more lines.
The desperation sets in as we search for more, on the back of the toilet, even on the floor.
There is nothing more desparate then that last final hour, as the sun comes up and the darkness grows smaller.
Now the sun has fully emerged, along with the deafening sounds of the birds.
How can such a beautiful site become so freighting that you want to take your own life?
I lay on the floor praying to God, please let me die as tears stream down my eyes.
I finally wrestle the demon to sleep for one more night my soul to keep.
The next day I awaken filled with blame hating my self and filled with shame.
How could I do it, I swore never again, how could this happen, why did I give in?
I will be stronger next time and learn to say no, I just won’t drink or I just won’t go.
It has been 30 days I say with a smile, then I get the call “haven’t seen you in a while”.
Come have a drink we can talk and catch up, I think to myself one drink won’t mess me up.
Five drinks later I hear that sound, it is that demon inside wanting to come out.
Just one more night, you deserve it, you worked all week and you have earned it.
Buy just one bag, you can be good, we’ll only stay until one or two.
Nine drinks later as my tab grows larger, and now old friends start to gather.
Your house or mine they say to me, let’s party tonight and be carefree.
I go to the bathroom and try to be strong, don’t do it I say, you know it is wrong.
I look in the mirror and what do I see, the empty reflection looking back at me.
Where is that girl that promised no more….there she is snorting coke off the floor.