When I Miss You

I try to stop the hurt that I know is coming
By thinking of all the hurt you've done to me.
Hoping that will block the love that's building
in my heart and let me escape the pain.
But those hurts always seem to fade behind you,
and all I see in my mind and in my heart is you.
All I can feel is the memory of you in my arms,
the sweet taste of your mouth on mine.
I see the loving look on your face and in your eyes
as I look down on you
after sharing the sweetest love a man could ever know.
Then I remember our last clinging kiss, hating to let it end,
the wonderful loving warmth of you in my arms
and the love I feel in your arms tightly holding me.
I remember having to let you go, having to turn and walk away.
I realize with stabbing pain that was the last I would ever see you
or kiss you or hold you or hear you tell me you love me.
Then everything blurs as the tears I can't hold back start to flow.
My heart beats heavily and painfully in my chest.
My arms feel so empty and cold, my life seems so hopelessly alone.
I feel anew the panic I felt when I read your plea the next day,
wondering how you could ever ask forgiveness.
How I long for that moment never to have happened.
How I ache desperately for you to still be in my arms,
wanting my love and giving me yours, every day and night.
I envision our closeness and affection bringing us happiness
that is simply beyond description, can never be equaled elsewhere,
with anyone else, in anyone else's arms, no matter how we try.
Then, finally, when reality creeps back in, the questions always come,
why did you have to push me away, was it worth losing our love?
Why can't you sympathize with my pain, why can't you be sorry?
Why can't you love me as you did then?
Why did it have to end?
How will I live without you?
And I hear no answer.