I Remember

After all these years, I remember -
your eagerly parted lips
passionately seeking my mouth,
the warm softness of your body
intertwining with mine,
the smoky fire of love
in your half closed eyes,
the softness of your breasts
and the hardness of your nipples
pressing deliciously into my chest,
your caressing arms and legs
drawing us together as one,
your warm sweet wetness
where our bodies connect
and our souls join,
our shudders of electric release
as we become truly one
in the height of our shared ecstacy,
our soft clinging and carressing
in that indescribably blissful afterglow,
as our hearts and emotions slowly relax
into the sweetest and deepest happiness
I have ever known or could ever imagine -
I remember.

I remember as if we had
just loved.

I also remember the painful bittersweet
of the last time we loved,
and my knowing and telling you
I would always love you,
and that it would be the last time.

Ever

That I would be able to hold you and love you,
and tell you that I love you.

I remember finding my life's happiness in your arms.

I remember leaving the best part of me,
with you,
in your arms,
in your care.

My heart,
my soul,
and my life's happiness.

I remember the devastating realization that
that happiness would never again be mine.

My existence since that poignant moment,
when we last loved,
is far too painful to go on remembering.

But I do.

The most vivid memories
of the darkness since then,
that intrude unbidden on my awareness,
are of the never relieved agony
of being without you.

For always.

There are too many memories
of tears and painful longings
that I could not share,
of endless dark lonely nights
wracked with sobbing and anguish
that no one could comfort.

My work and my success,
my hobbies and my toys,
and even my family,
have and still do occupy my time and my hands,
but can never fill my aching empty heart

Will I remember after I die?
Will I awake in a heaven free at last from heartache,
or in a hell of never forgetting you
but never having you?

How can I not
bitterly hate
your leaving with my life's happiness?

How can I not,
still now,
and with my dieing breath,
love and adore you?

Is it my curse to
always
remember
you?

Have you
ever
remembered
me?