He Thought
HE THOUGHT
By Linda R. O’Connell
Written 2008
And so, he thought
He had only taught
Those crazy teens
But, by all means…
He was so much more
How he opened the door
And gave me a chance
Towards my advance
To greater strides
And I found pride
With in this girl
He helped unfurl
And spread her wings
A breath of spring
A life worth living
From all his giving
And, so it goes…
I hope he knows
How much I care
And, how he’s so rare
How can I ever repay
What I took away
The teacher, I never had
Who, reminds me of dad…
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Nice Thoughts
Linda,
I appreciate the thoughts behind this piece, we should all show appreciation to those who have mentored us. My only problem is that it is a little too bulleted for my taste. I would have liked to see you flesh out the lines a bit more, but that is just me.
Still reading,
Pete
so Pete?
do you mean i should have explained what i appreciated about him a little bit more??
Linda
Let Me Explain
Linda,
What put me off a bit is that each line is pretty much bullet style which doesn't allow for the reader to get truly and deeply invested in your words. I may be the only person reading this piece that feels that way but I am not going to give you an opinion that I don't wholly believe in. If you are happy with the short choppy lines then by all means run with it. I am not here to criticise, I am here to offer up what a piece does for me or what it doesn't do for me. I am only one man with one uneducated opinion.
Still luv ya,
Pete
thanks pete
I totally see what you mean. i think i will someday try and fix it, but who i wrote this for knows exactly what i meant and i kinda like it being a little mysterious that way...know what i mean?
still luv ya too!!!
Linda
It's Always My Pleasure
Linda,
Any time I leave a comment for you it is because your piece warrented a response. It is not my duty but my pleasure.
Smile kiddo,
Pete
I like it, Linda
Your lines are extended into the next, so I don't really consider it choppy. I think Pete just prefers a more verbose style, Ergo, he doesn't truly appreciate the beauty of briefness. Did you ever watch "A River Runs Through It"? There the father taught the son to write by telling him to cut his pieces in half each time the son brought them to him to review. And the son became a world famous writer.
Nice job.
joyce
Yep
What Joyce just said confirms that it's just one man's opinion!
Thanks Joyce.
Both of you keep writin and smilin,
Pete
Thanks Joyce
thanks Joyce and pete too! i appreciate both your comments. you guys both write so beautifully that i learn from you guys everytime i read your poems. its true what my mom said when i was little, 'the more you read, the better you'll get at everything"...too bad i didnt listen back then...oh well, its never too late!
Linda