Last night in a dream flight
On an aged steam train to Scotland aptly named
'The Flying Scotsman.' I met Isacc Newton!

I knew him by the clothes he wore
And the pocketful of stars in his top pocket,
And a huge apple on his head. Naturally he
Could not see nor hear too well having
Been dead for years. But, he was able to tell me
There is no such thing as gravity, it was
Just something he dreamed up to make up for
The utter boredom living with his grandparents
On a farm, and to escape the bubonic plague in London

By the way, he adds, do you know the speed
Of light is slowing down, and tomorrow's horizon
I intend to move 600 kilometers East. And I said
Hey Newty, that will mean dawn will break
At midnight in Beijing. Your mathamatics are atrocious
He said, and he got off the train when we pulled into Aberdeen.
Two strange looking men met him
One wore his name down his sleeve- John Flamsteed it said
Who the hell is he, I thought to myself?
And the other man carried a massive suitcase
Marked 'Calculus'- with a name tag in huge block-capitals
That said- Gottfried Leibniz!

As the train moved off, hey you guys I bellowed
Whats going to happen in the future and in complete unison
They all shout back..'Black Holes, Black Holes."
At that point I came awake and could not find my way to the toilet
My startled Asain wife from Taiwan in her broken English
Said, 'Flut the hel you are doling in the wardrobe in my cluthes'

I started to explain to her the Milky Way and why we don't
Fall off this planet, and that it was all due to a man by name
Of Isaac Newton and gravity, whom I met in my dream
Yesterday. 'You talkiling flucking nonsolence she said,
Yesterday I met a man from the pling plong club who say
He Christlopher Culubulis and that the wurld phlat.'

I heard me say much to my surprise
Your malthematics is flucking arocilious as well as yo eengleesh
Go back to Talibwan yo yiddle i po and shlack up
With Obama blin Laldin

Listen yo, she replied,yo eengleesh worrst than mine
And you spleeling more flucking atrocilious, and glet out
Of my waldrobe...
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