The tragedy of the 'dark night of a soul'
is the unacceptable you! The lost identity
of just who you are, the shattered, scattered
'ego' the humpty dumpty life. He/she allows
the world to act upon each. Its the 'black hole'
of existence. Its the only life one has. what
could really be so important to warrant throwing it away.?
For me, I lost my wife, my home, my two beautiful
sons, my job, my health, but most of all I lost
my'self.' I had nothing more to live for. Its the
total despair trap, its the uncertainty trap, its
the belief you are not going to make it. So, incarcerated
in a locked mental ward, I sought permission to go
to the toilet, they took my tie and shoe-laces
and waited outside the toilet door. They forgot the small
rope that kept my trousers up. I quickly threw one
end over a running pipe the other round my neck
and jumped off the toilet bowl. The rope broke. and
I knew no more except I was stark naked with my arms
locked in a jacket tied at the back,in the corner of
a small empty white-washed- walled room. I fumbled the job!
Today, over fifty years have gone from that terrible day.
I appeared on a television programme where I spoke of
what one feels of an attempt to destroy one's life. the only
life we have, I ended the story by saying, jokingly, make sure if you
are so bent in doing, that you do not fumble the job, because
you have to live with that fact, the terrible act of trying to do
away with yourself, which all who know you are very much
aware, the fight then is to restore your 'ego' your self-esteem
and to step out with courage and truth to help those in the
throes of the 'dark night of the soul.' I look out from my window
at the beautiful flowers, to my four year old little boy
playing happily with his toys, my walls papered by the world's most
loved books and works of art, and a loving young wife who cares.
In my heart, you will never know the gladness at having fumbled the job,
whoever you are, where-ever you are keep ever before you should
you enter that 'dark night' you can again become whole, and should
you make it through, anything else that ever befalls you can never
compare with that 'dark night' Here is one man who shares with you
and deeply understands, life is the most precious, most sacred thing
ever gifted upon a man a woman, and no thing, no person, no circumstance
is so bad that one wants to end that priceless,most beautiful, most sacred
thing ....... LIFE... YOU , YES YOU, ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE the door
of hope is ever open to you, hold fast to that HOPE AND NEVER LOOK BACK
EXCEPT TO GIVE DEEP AND HUMBLE THANKS TO THAT 'SOMETHING'
THAT HELPED YOU MAKE IT THROUGH, i FELT PRIOR TO WRITING THIS
THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO MAY BE IN DEEP DESPAIR, AT A LOSS,
AN UNFORGIVABLE HURT, i CAN SHARE WITH YOU THE HOPE THAT WILL
LIFT YOU OVER THE 'DARKNESS'....AND WALK ON INTO THE LIGHT.
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