And i sit here
after work.
my futon so stained with food, bodily fluids
pocked with cigarette burns.
i'm drinking
i just got off work.
eating a box of expensive luxury chocolates that i bought for myself
only because they were seventy percent off.
sorry, so sorry to the unloved woman who received no chocolates
i bought my own. but leftovers they were.
the velvet heart box which i will use to store my collection of loveletters
from prison,homeless shelters and various institutions.
vodka mixed with awful sugarfree blue kool-aid mix.
how did i get here?
the vodka water mix no longer tasted good
maybe/? perhaps?
because i quit bothering with bottled water and just ran the tap
to mix the vodka.
that nagging voice inside my head
it
just
continuesto tell me
that i need to wash my sheets
human filth and waste, urine in my bed
i think that
PERHAPS
people are starting to smell it on me
urine, but it's not my own.
i
just
HAVE NOT WASHED MY SHEETS YET!
i only ate one of the sweets out of the velvet box
the oven is on for the french fries after work.
i won't even get off the futon to put them in.
i guess i'm justnotthathungry
the sheets are dirty.
2 month old dried urine
it's ok! it's all just fucking ok because!
i sleep on the other side of the bed & I don't piss on my side