The Sleazy Bum

He came around, the sleazy bum,
Holding his hand out for a crumb
Local folks said he liked to drink rum
But made it clear that he was scum
They said at one time he drove a truck
But that he fell upon some bad luck
After the many beers he did suck
He hit a ditch and went amuck
Prior to this he had been hired
Because his services were required
But after the wreck he had been fired
Because they were no longer desired
In fall it got cold, and he didn’t make bail
So he could winter in the county jail
Maybe he grabbed some woman by the tail
Or pissed very publicly in a pail
On the sidewalk he would lurch and stagger
Sometimes a loud and drunken bragger
Boasting of banging a double bagger
In his personal style of swagger
He offered some little girls candy, the lout,
Then smiled kindly and exposed his trout,
When local officers came about
He said : “I don’t know, it just flopped out.”
Sometimes the man went down to his knees
Not to pray, but to barf and wheeze
From head to toe he was a sleaze
With no redeeming qualities
One winter he finally walked the plank
They found him frozen in a snow bank
Without a single person to thank,
But thanks to the frost he never stank.