Help me now, I need a drink,
God only knows, maybe even a shrink!
I was just doing some harmless spying,
Don't look at me like that, I'm not lying!

Up in the tree by the wall
Listening to the birds call,
Then the sight I saw with my eyes...
Please no more, be silent my cries!

I nearly fell off my perch in disgust,
What I saw, it was just....
It's imprinted there, forever in my mind,
Oh, what a disgrace to all of mankind!

My neighbour in all his glory
Wearing just his birthday suit,
His only saviour being his pants
If they hadn't been there and I'd seen his fruit!!

Oh my, I would have gone blind!
Me, so naïve and innocent
Please, let me leave that moment behind
Else I really will go out of my mind!

Right, now calm down,
I'll feel better for getting it off of my chest,
Then there will be no more
Of this sinning feeling left!

He was in his bedroom
Parading around in his briefs,
Blue and stripy, caught up in his bum crack,
All crumpled and creased.....
My, it's a wonder my sanity is still intact!

Goodness, I'm all of a shiver
Not to mention a bit of a quiver,
I will surely now grow up profoundly disturbed,
What I would have preferred
To see him in his trousers,
Not in the least
Those awful briefs!

I am most definitely mentally scarred
My brain in utter anguish,
Oh, these thoughts I am having!
Away they must perish!

Whenever I close my eyes
Flashes of images I see...
Where is my salvation, they must be censored,
Why oh why
Did I climb that tree?!

Dear lord I am only a virgin
Send me now the memory surgeon,
Just the scene
The sight I cannot erase,
Like a haunting, terrible dream,
An impossible nightmare,
Him in his underwear!
It's driving me into a craze!

I mean it's not as if he's Brad Pitt
Really his physique
Is remarkably like that of a paper-clip,
Immediately my thoughts were “Eeeeeeeek!
I have seen a near naked geek!”

Legs like a grasshopper,
Upper body certainly no woman stopper,
And those awful awful pants
Just remembering it now
Is giving me cramps!

Now, save your sniggers,
For goodness sake, he's in his fifties!
Definitely not a 20-year-old figure,
Give me strength, never in eternity dishy!!

Please, if you're listening,
You really need curtains,
Or at least warn us if
You're going to do any more of these exertions!

Dearie me, still the sight
I cannot put into words,
But I suppose you will say that's what happens
When you spy on the neighbours!