Them and Us
I stand, huddled
in the doorway of a house
curling myself over against its wooden frame
my shoulders hunched as I try
to unsuccessfully warn away the wet.
The constant quiet
the silence
except for a drip,
a single
drop of water
plopping on my nose
sliding all the way down my face....
Then it starts
the rain,
first one, then they all come
endless soldiers being shot down from the sky,
the blackened, jet fire sky.
Such coldness they feel
marching ever onwards
then dying on impact
as soon as they hit the ground
splat
each drop shattered into a thousand minute
moist flakes
dispersing wherever they land,
yet still they fall
on and on
more and more
the never-ending war
between them and us,
the earth and sky
bullets like my questions
firing why
why
why,
until they crash
and fade
and then
they die.
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- JewelPhoenix's blog
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wow!
Very deep. I like the way you "framed" this poem. It is very interesting, I think. Don't forget to comment mine, too!
A winter rose wilted, reflecting one's once cherrished love. Never will that flower again bloom after death.
-GSK-
hey, thanks G.S.K
I was thinking about interesting things when I wrote it I guess, so I'm glad it came across in that way-thank you for reading x)
ps-amazing final chapters to your story btw! ♥
I don't know either
I don't know where that came from either, Jewel, but damn, it was an intense write. It definitely says something about the coldness of our world.
Thank you
you get those writes sometimes that come out of the blue-literally I think, it's been raining nonstop in England recently! thanks neo :D ♥
i love rain poems...
and this one is exceptional...it has the feel of rain dropping down even in its construction.
Great poem!
Take care,
Mark
Thanks whispurr
thank you for commenting on this one, I did play around with the paragraphing until I thought it read right-glad you noticed! :D ♥
hmmm
amazing... just as you have always been... its been a while since i have read some of your works.... they haven't lost their beauty....
Hey buddy
you've been away for ages, welcome back :) thank you for your words, they truly mean a lot :D ♥
Geez jewel this is awesome!
I know where that came from...a fine poet like you, thats where! i love how you imagined the "endless soldiers being shot down from the sky,"
What a great imagination!
seems like this one came "pouring out" of you easily!
great job!
xoxo
Linda
Thank you Linda!
I think imagining is my strong point, I'm like a child in a sweet shop when I can be left to daydream! thanks so much :D ♥
♥ you and me both...
Daydreaming is what i am best at!!!!
Linda
Yay!
there's two of us "at it" hehe! xD ♥
Fantastic!
I love the way you flowed this. And the way you ended, changing the 'bullets' to "why, why, why" really made this fantastic!
Thanks John
I'm surprised so many people have commented on this one because I truly don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it-ah, just happens like that sometimes I guess! thank you :D ♥