How can you tell I'm playing hard to get
When we've only just met?
Well yes, I can't deny
That you did more than catch my eye...

Going round asking for sponsors
For the marathon you're about to run,
Well if you need my help to relax you before the big day
I'll make sure you have some fun.

Before I put any money down
First I need to test your thighs...
See if they're taut and up to the job
Of ignoring your minds cries
When every pore is screaming “Stop!”

At that dreaded halfway stage,
That's when your mental battle begins
Your brain being the only thing
Which'll make the pain fade,
Or it might help if the night before
You decide to get utterly laid...

Now how are you biceps?
Ooh, well-toned and gleaming with sweat...
How about that chest?
Wow
(Sharp intake of breath)
That is one sight
I know I won't forget...

Let me feel your hair
See if needs to be more streamlined....
But I think those locks are the greatest
I will ever find.

I need a taste of your lips
You'll be drinking water, after all,
I need to see if they're any good at absorbing moisture
Oh god, they can
For sure...

One more thing
I have got to grab your bum,
See if it's tight enough to...
Oh well, scrap the excuse
I just wanted to feel hands on how cute it is
You can't blame a girl for trying, can you hun?!

Now the last thing
I need to whisper in your ear...
If you ever get bored of running round the park
I know a much better way of exercising
Also can I add it's much more enticing
Giving you a thrill of fear...

I saunter off with my trademark
Muah hahaha!
Because I know I've gotcha
This time knowing
That I'm not chatting up a queer!