So I sit here observing all
The little kitty cat kingdom
Coming and going
Here, there and everywhere
A feline family
Close to me,
You don't get any weirder than this
You could write a book on each cat
Mind you, they really would love that,
Or maybe a longer than usual poem
Now that's an idea....

Fatty listening to “Cats and Dogs”
Headphones over his ears
Lazing on his sun lounger
Frying himself until he burns
You could mistake him for a roasted marshmallow,
Laid-back, chilling with a G&T
Sipping it from a straw
With one nearly dried nail varnished paw,
He's the new upcoming male model
Labelling all the big brands
Move aside Orlando Bloom
Cats like being cats.

Annice applying kohl, black rimming his emo eyes
Preparing for his shift
Down the stripping club Kool Katz
Stretching into his silver toned Lycra suit
His gay mate Jozz picking him up in his side-car
I've told him he looks like a wally wearing those red
Diamond edged sunglasses
But he doesn't listen,
Like the time I told him not to get a tattoo of Lily Allen
Shaved into his backside,
Oh well
Cats like being cats.

Golly's gone off exploring
He's been away for weeks now,
Moon-walking away in the Amazon rainforest
Michael Jackson stroke Bear Grylls
You've never seen the like,
Super sleek, a big black boy
Climbing mountains while singing karaoke
TV crews recording every move
Clamouring for interviews
No wonder he doesn't come home
He loves nothing more than being the centre of attention
Cats like being cats.

Dweezil sneaking in the back alley way
She's just got back from her assignment in the Eastern block
A mean, evil secret agent
But working for MI9 takes its toll
She loves nothing more than killing a few creatures on her days off
Kitten play to her,
Those mice, voles, rabbits, birds don't stand a chance
One look and they know she's an assassin,
Being tossed up in the air they die of shock
Seriously, they're chilled to the bone with her killer laugh
The RSPCA would have a field day
Cats like being cats.

Runty jumping over the hedge
Like a flying tabby flash,
Skitzing around in the kitchen making her daily cracker jack cocktail
She lives off that speed and E,
How else can she stay that skinny
Yet still strong enough to lift that machine gun
And blast all the dogs within twenty miles up in the sky
In between taking drags from her Black Russian fags
Specific timing, three seconds for each puff
She's crazy but very particular about things like that
Doing everything in fast forward
Cats like being cats.

Tiggy Tiger bouncing by
Replenishing his make-up stand
You'd think a cool dude like him couldn't be a beautician
How wrong you can be,
He's a total softie underneath
Whatever you want doing
Manicure, pedicure, highlights in hair
Whitening and straightening of teeth
Fatty and Annice keep him busy enough
The outside of his exterior may be edgy and tough
But he can't do what he does without his jazzy sparkly purple apron...
Cats like being cats.

Fudge, a nutty genius
Likes giving Tiggy a helping hand
But because he's so popular with all the girls he finds it hard to concentrate
Come on guys, I'm sure you understand,
Playing on his durr, I'm so sweet attitude
Sitting cross-legged on the grass meditating
Forget humming, it's purring all the way
He always keeps in touch with his inner being
His trademark gold flip-flops
Showing off his yoga toes
Eyes shut, as cool as a cucumber
Cats like being cats.

Felix slinking away, waiting on the hill
For a chance to slip in unseen,
It's hard for her, having two teenage pregnancies
But do her sisters and brother care? Nope, not at all
Mind you, it must be a fun game
Chasing her away again and again
Tails like bottle brushes
Spiky as a thistle
Poor Felix knows all the ins and outs of escape routes
But she is training for a marathon so maybe she quite likes it
Gets her plimsolls on and away she goes
Cats like being cats.

May on guard like a sergeant major
Not letting any animal past
They don't dare enter her territory anyway
Even Runty wouldn't dream of giving her a quick blast,
She's a bouncer in her spare time
Lives outside all the night clubs
Her crown on her head
She's known as the Queen instead
Gets free drinks in every pub
No one needs to ask her name
Prowling around, burly and beautiful
Cats like being cats.

This is just an ordinary day
A day in the life of the observer,
It's a mammoth task
Keeping this lot in hand
But so much fun
Seeing them play and polish their guns,
Aw, they're growing up
Soon they'll leave the nest and fly...
Seriously, mad scientist Fudge over there
Is designing a rocket cannon
So don't worry if you see a cat wearing a cloak overhead in the sky
Just look up and say
Hi kitty hi!