“I’m doing this – seeing a therapist, I mean because I’m really unhappy. Its men, of course I mean me and men. I always do something to drive them away. Everything starts out fine. They really chase me and everything, and then after they get to know me” tensed visibility against the coming pain “it all falls apart.”

Look at me now, continued more slowly getting be worst again. “I want to know what I’m doing wrong, what I have to change about me. I do it. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m really a hard worker. It’s not that I’m unwilling. I just don’t know why this keeps happening to me. I’m afraid to get involve anymore I mean its nothing but pain every time. I’m beginning to be really afraid of men.”

I don’t want to happen because I’m very lonely I have lots of responsibility facing so far, I have to work and support my self too. These depend could keep me busy all the time. In fact, that’s pretty much all I did for the past years – work with fulfillment that no one can own me. Because I missed the man in my life my dream men,

Now is all I know, all I got and I don’t know if there will be tomorrow for us now is all I care about the man contents of my heart. The person both we need a happy life but we don’t know if there will be a future for us, and it was best that from the start it was clear the info from a common friend about this person that I’m going to handle it and wishing that I am a good instrument to fix it everything, but this is not going to happened because the first meeting I was looked him eyes and I feel it in my heart what I have inside my heart too, the suffering that we didn’t mean to our life and we meet one night with my friends, well we just hit it off right away, there was so much talk about – except that I guess I did most of the talking. But he seemed to like that. And a good listener too, and it was just so great to be with a man who was interested in things that were important to me, too, “he seemed really attracted to me which is I know his married but live alone that kind of stuff I could imagine how eagerness must have shown as chatted him over the cup of coffee that the first night. And the eagerness with which he welcomed me a week later when he come from travel an extra miles away he offered me to on his house to help him for the kitchen stuff, I accept his invitation and their attachment began that night.
It was great. He let me fix everything on the kitchen and really enjoyed being looked after. A long run days he let me cook for him and he offered me to sleep on his apartment and then the night of affairs began, the next day I pressed his shirt for him before he dressed that morning, I love looking after a man. We got along beautifully, he smiled wistfully, and a warmly informed me that I have to worried about that he was not relieved to know that his not safety home for us.
But I continued and I feel me to comfort and safe with him way of meeting me. And treating me nicely, but often it was turn the hour would grow late and he would become too restless to stand it. Sleep was out of the question anyway I would deal with it there conversations were as vogue as were lengthy. He keep say I need to hate him, and I would say how can be? After all rather I will never forgot him, so then we’d get into talking about why we are together now seemed he was afraid to get close to me and I wanted to help him get through that, he kept saying he didn’t know what he wanted in life. And I would try to help him clarify what the issues were for him.” Thus fell into the role of “shrink” with him trying not to be emotionally present for us. That he did not want was something could not accept. He had already decided the decisions he made be hide on me I just feel it because it was so clear it began. I figure out from his text massage I really never thought about it, of course we still friends which not under the law that’s only natural after all.

I don’t know how can I explain it to my self I guess I didn’t let my self to think about it to feel me sadly which is I know the truth, that he has only my common law husband I guess I wasn’t interesting enough and he didn’t really want to be with me” and it is not going to happened anxiously to continue it for the toxic relationship to be around.
That was obvious! His eyes brimmed over as he struggled on, what it is on me? What I am doing wrong? Why I feel this way about me? The moment aware of a problem between me with someone important for me, I am willing not to try and solve it but also to take responsibility for having created it. If he all failed to love his wife, I felt it must be because of something he had done of failed to do. Or he has attitude, feelings, behaviors the life experience were typical of a man for whom being in love means that woman belong to somebody else he love much have in common. Regardless of the specific details of our stories ether they have endured a long and difficult relationship with one man or have been involve in a series of unhappy partnerships with their law of promises, sharing with a common profile. I guess loving too much does not mean loving too many men or woman or falling in love too often, or having too great a depth of genuine love for another. It means, in truth obsessing about a man or woman and calling that obsession love, allowing it to control my emotions and much of my behavior, realizing that it negatively influences my health and well – being, and yet finding myself unable to let go. It means measuring the degree of deepest love by the depth of my suffering.

It is sad to say that sometimes I cannot look at my own lives realistically because I am so afraid of having these labels to I have to apply or to those I love, sadly, that inability to use the words when I do apply often precludes and getting appropriate help. On the other hand, these dreaded labels may not apply into my life. Deeply dislike and distrusted women, and my inability to love I kept it by loving my self. Or leave it just only for my son. It is important to understand however, that what all unhealthy families have in common is their inability to discuss root problems.
Right now I have to play by the family members. A role operates my family to remain healthy. Thus, and mothering role must alter to accommodate reality. When no one can discuss of what effect to my family member, as a whole ended when such discussion of my story is forbidden implicitly (the subject is changed) or explicitly (“I don’t want talk about)
Because I break it already the addiction to a person who I involve, but no one can replace him from my heart. It is like a prisoner inside.