To think about it makes my heart quicken
the mere idea of it is so taboo
I wonder why I'm drawn to this affliction?
Maybe it was the childhood incident with the shampoo

Oddly, I greet the idea with anticipation
knowing fully that each blow will be more painful than the last
Strangely, the strikes against my bare skin feel like affection
and beyond reasoning...I feel loved

It's my drug and I need more
But my Love cannot commit to this
I go through withdraws because there's no drug store
and my Love just offers up a kiss.

Pain. It is my water.
My Love does not understand
Pain. I need it to take away these thoughts
so once again I'm forced to use my own hand.