I keep it there as punishment
Self imposed penance
In the corner of my kitchen window seal

I see it every day

It’s been three years now. But still,
each time I look upon that dusty memory
I hear the crack of my weathered heart, widen

Images flood too quickly
I recoil in a vein attempt
at blocking them out

The swirling mass of knowledge, hovering
The censurable secrets,
The lies that encompass my soul like a caged beast

I did this

My fault
for that Stepford wife smile
deceptively crossing my glossy lips

My fault
for the loss of that infinitely trusting look
that was once behind my husbands keen eyes

That look has regrettably twisted
It takes shape as something dark and violated
Something hollow with knowledge

With each accidental glance,
I am achingly reminded
of what I committed three days prior

The memories scald my brain like a branding iron.
Pain. Regret. Guilt.
almost completely blanket that forbidden memory of pleasure

The swirl of knowing thoughts
weigh so heavily on my heartless heart
I instinctively shove them out

Just look away

Sometimes though… sometimes,
I let myself look.
and allow myself to remember the proscribed passion

So confidant and desired.
I fleetingly let myself forgo fault
In remembrance of how it was to be craved like cake

It was good to feel so alive
so anxiously ardent about life....
but then I stop myself.

I must clear my head of those self-destructing thoughts
Concentrate on what I have now.
I must refocus.

Appreciate

Nothing can be perfect.
Desire is fleeting and in the end..
who will hold my hand?

The man who knew me for a moment...
or the man with dark and violated eyes?