tourniquet taut, trapping air
blocking escape, breathing impaired
speaking shakily in early morning
before i drink. my family warning
wondering why i would do this to them
or myself, for that matter, why i don’t stem
this disaster- i can see it looming
so i take a drink- when drunk it’s roomy
trapped here, alone, in this vicious pattern
by my own will, daily being battered
beaten and broken- how do i get myself out?
if i can’t drown it down, how do i deal with this doubt?
after drink two or three, once my hands start to steady
once the drinks’ve been circulated i’m feeling ready
to start over and forget everything that worries me
my reasons, my wondering and even my family
in my zone now, breathing seems easier
the pain is back, though- it feels like a spear
run in, run through- straight into my heart
and as it slides smoothly it tears me apart
luckily for me i’ve already begun my drinking-
it doesn’t phase me as i water down my thinking
i know it should hurt but don’t care right now
maybe i’ll quit the next time around...

** see more of my poetry on my blog "Nothing Definite: Spontaneous, Combustible, Poetry" at http://gcool06.blogspot.com/ - thanks for reading (and writing)! **