The Road the Ride and You (Faith in Machines)
The Earth’s curve is revealed to me
As asphalt disappears
Beneath my boots and wheels I see
The rushing of the years
The light returning from these bars
In nickel hardened rays
Grows ever softer heading west
At end of shining day
And I will be with you tonight
In thought if not in deed
And I will carry you tonight
Behind me as we speed
Across dark plains in thundered haste
Through canyons cut by river’s race
Where dust is all that’s left to taste
And faith is all we need
Velocity of falling stars
Tears torn from streaming eyes
The drivers of these shadow cars
Can never feel the prize
That I will feel with you tonight
For I will carry you tonight
So all my life is here tonight
As you now realise
These towered heaps of shattered rock
On either side recede
And boiling clouds our progress mock
As if rain might impede us as
We ride dark plains in thundered haste
Through canyons cut by river’s race
Where dust is all that’s left to taste
And hope is all we need
And somewhere
Some distance behind us
It’s all
Just
Gone
- Gabriel SimpsonLaw's blog
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second look
Ronald J. Edwards
Trinity Ink
http://trinityinkexperiencestrengthandhope.blogspot.com
gabriel,
your poem is excellent. i enjoyed the ride ... if you are open for my humble suggestion i would give the ending a second look, it left me hanging wanting a more powerful yet majestic conclusion, it also has a certain flow to be arranged as a quatrain.
The Ride
Hey Ronald
Thanks for your kind comments and, by the way I'm always open to suggestions.
I know what you mean about leaving you hanging but part of that final idea was to do just that as if this machine had blasted past the reader and left them listenening for the resonance of it howling into the distance but after a few seconds all there is is silence - leaving the landscape empty. at least that was the idea - I guess only you can decide if that works or not. But in a sense you are right, I wasn't convinced about it but it's kinda growing on me.....It may get changed in time.
Anyway, thanks again and good luck.....
Stay safe on the road.
Love and respect,
Gabe
there you go
Ronald J. Edwards
Trinity Ink
http://trinityinkexperiencestrengthandhope.blogspot.com
Gabe,
Reuse the words in your poem that you just wrote to descibe the ending of the poem to me.
"this machine had blasted past the reader and left them listenening for the resonance of it howling into the distance but after a few seconds all there is is silence - leaving the landscape empty"
I am sure Harley Davidson went back to their hogs to touch them up before they were finally finished :)
ron