I fell in love last Tuesday
with a granite garden gnome
who shrugged off my advances
on the lawn outside my home.

I brought him pretty flowers
that I’d gathered in a bunch
and asked the little garden gnome
if he was free for lunch.

The garden gnome said nothing…
he just stared me in the eye.
I’m not good at rejection
so I started-in to cry.

“You didn’t have to be so rude,”
I sputtered through my sobs.
“I never knew that garden gnomes
were such conceited snobs!”

With teary eyes I glared at him
as he returned the stare,
content to stand in silence
proving that he didn’t care.

“Just like a man!” I mumbled,
while retreating toward the door.
“You think you want a lover
when you really want a whore!”

I slammed the door behind me,
heading straight for the garage,
and fired up the engine
on my ’96 Mirage.

I closed my eyes to wait for death
and started breathing deep.
I prayed to God to bless me
with a never-ending sleep.

A long time passed, it seemed to me,
yet still I was alive.
How long should I expect to wait
for mercy to arrive?

Then in my rearview mirror,
I could see from where I sat,
my garden gnome was balancing
the door upon his hat!

I fell in love last Tuesday
with a granite garden gnome,
and though he’s very quiet
he’s the rock of our new home.

-HSWIV