THE CARNIVAL OF LIFE
Along the carnival of life,
We tread softly.
Feeling young,
Though youth has gone away,
Laying down chagrined emotions,
And sometimes tossing our hearts up above ,
Trading tears and laughter,
Together we celebrate the carnival of everyday.
We’re all cast adrift,
Boarding wrecked crafts.
Slowly racing down in many directions,
All wants to have a place,
Some follow mine, from which I follow someone else’s.
Some hurry for new traces, while some take their own,
Together we perform the carnival of everyday.
One by one some crafts reach the shore,
Some are left halfway but sure to come in due time,
Others are thrown away,
Many are capsized by the rage of waves and miss the solid grip.
So now they’re forever asleep across the deepest sea,
Together we accept our fate in the carnival of everyday.
The one’s who reach the shore,
Are sure to dance in glory,
And those who bid goodnight across the deep,
Will cry out dirges of melancholy.
Leaving some traces of good and trying moments,
To the ones they sail by the sea,
And at daybreak only a few celebrates the carnival of grand new day!
- clairejane's blog
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Wearing My Editor's Cap
clairejane,
You had some very interesting things to say in this piece, many of which were surely true. You have some grammatical errors in this piece so i have ventured to do some editing for you. See below:
Along the carnival of life,
We tread softly.
Feeling young,
Though youth has gone away,
Laying down chagrin emotions, (I believe chagrined would work better)
And sometimes tossing our hearts up above ,
Trading tears and laughters, ( I would remove the “s”)
Together we celebrate the carnival of everyday.
We’re all cast adrift,
Boarding wrecked crafts.
Slowly racing down an many directions, (should be “in”)
All wants to have a place, ( I would remove the “s”)
Some follow mine, from which I follow someone else’s.
Some hurry for new traces, while some take their own,
Together we perform the carnival of everyday.
One by one some crafts reach the shore,
Some are left halfway but sure to come in due time,
Others are thrown away,
Many are capsized by the rage of waves and miss the solid grip.
So now they’re forever asleep across the deepest sea,
Together we accept our fate in the carnival of everyday.
The one’s who reach the shore,
Are sure to dance in glory,
And those who bid goodnight across the deep,
Will cry out dirges of melancholy.
Leaving some traces of good and trying moments,
To the ones they sail by the sea,
And at daybreak only a few celebrates the carnival of grand new day! ( I would remove the “s”)
If you agree with my suggestion fine, if not fine also, it is, afterall, your piece.
Trying to help,
Pete
gift of grammar
Dear Pete,
I thank you deeply for spending a fraction of time reading my piece further for providing essential grammar in it (some were my typographical errors) but I admit I am not really good in grammar that's why I only write poetry not stories. This NOBLE HOUSE OF POETRY really helps me and peers, like you, who are willing to be of help.
This is a good encouragement for a person like me who is trained for Algebra but has a great passion for Literature.
gratefully,
clairejane
It Was Not a Chore, It Was My Pleasure
ClaireJane,
I beleive that if we can help one another we woudl be remiss if we didn't take adavantage of the opportunity. I am so pleased that you recieved my recommendations in the spirit in which they were offered. I would never try to change the tenor of your piece just tidy it up a little.
Your buddy,
Pete