Her.
The candlelight flickers on her
Slick body as it reflects
Off of her light brown strings
That fall down her slender neck
Her mouth is but a black
Hole in which the sounds
Of her body reverberate
And create such lively music.
I pick her up and lightly
Trace my fingers across
The strings and the notes
Float around both of us.
I close my eyes as the
Box in my throat containing
My voice opens and lets
Free the words of my heart.
She and I are in tune as
One and others join us
To form a crowd of merry listeners
As I strum her, my lady, my guitar.
*NOTE* THIS IS ABOUT A GUITAR. THANK YOU. =]
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cassie
i like the seductiveness of this write...and its a guitar...LOL
im going to look at a guitar differently from now on....
nicely done
Linda
Lol thanks.
I sent it to some friends in texting and they thought I was talking on and on about a girl when they read the last line Lol, I suppose I meant the poem to be ironic. lulz. Thanks again I really appreciate your comments. =]
Cassie.
your welcome
cassie, keep them coming!
youre good!
Linda
Eh.
I'll never be good enough to publish, lulz. I really enjoy your works though. ^.^
Cassie.
Hi Cassie,
This has been very beautifully and seducatively delivered. I love the sensitive progression of the piece from stanza to stanza and feel you have kept the passion alive throughout ,without the overuse of descriptive words.
My only suggestion would be is to take another look at stanza 3 again. Maybe it would sound better
to change the words around slightly 'Lightly trace my fingers across' ?
I think it may add a little more clarity.
I hope this was of help to you Cassie, and it is cleary one of your strongest writes.
Regards,
Deborah
Thanksss.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my poem. And, yes, I will change them around. Thanks again I greatly appreciate it. =]
Cassie.