What does silence mean to you?

I have known silence as God’s time
a chance for Him to say His piece
after we have expressed our litany of wants.

Silence is nature’s expression of Her peace and beauty
of the wondrous unity of atoms
to block the sounds of agony, contempt, injustice and indifference
man has waged against himself.

Silence is the introspection of the soul
to find an alternative venom to extinguish
the wrath of temptation.

But after Mama’s death
silence has developed itself in its cruelest form.
Saying nothing.
Hearing nothing.
And all these hubbub of soundlessness
have suddenly and sickeningly turned into a terror
with all its shape and the feel of it
all its spiky little corners.

This silence is not silence at all…
It signifies death.
Breathing has been defeated.
Surrendered altogether.
And I can hear the expletive-ridden chatter
of my own mourning, mixed with anger.
To what?
For whom?
I really just do not know.

My pain cannot be displaced
by any amount of consolation.
Not then.
Not now.
Not ever.
Losing a mother as beloved as mine
is agonizingly tormenting.

That to me is silence.

Today is Mom's birthday. She's supposed to be celebrating her 51st year as a mortal. We're celebrating it still though -- almost 48 years of existence and for the last three years... in our memories.