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Bright white comets -
Noisy neighborhood grommets
Throwing soft snowballs.
Copyright ⓒ Chris Ryall 2013
This winter haiku is based on image and juxtaposition, and while I have deliberately edited this to fit the 5-7-5 standard formula, my original haiku was much shorter:
White comets -
I feel the abbreviated version has more impact, and I've learned recently from reading Basho and doing a course on another site that abbreviated haiku are quite common traditionally. The 5-7-5 rule is simply a limit, like a speed-limit on roads. While one shouldn't write more than the limit, it is quite okay to write less, giving one freedom of expression and style. I just thought that I'd share this point. I live in Japan and love Haiku, and am striving to improve my technique in this poetic form. Wish me luck! LOL. Warmest regards,
You dwell in techniques, I hear the music in your poetry, love the rhyme, love the meaning above all I love the message from your imagination , I feel your hope bursting in the stratosphere, you composed from words a delicious minuet waltz!
Thanks for your comments, mate - much appreciated. I like trying out new techniques, and I love experimenting with the tools of our trade, so to speak. In this case, adding the extra words to make it a neat 5-7-5 haiku format also allowed me an opportunity to insert some alliteration and additional rhyme into my poem. Thanks again for your kind feedback. Cheers
I love the play on words ... comets ... snowballs.
You painted two worlds ... the world of flashing comets ... and the world of soft white snow.
This is a fire and ice story.
You woke up the child in me ... the awe of the sky ... the awe of the Earth.
Now, get out your mittens ... and let's build a snow castle with comets and soft snow. Illuminations of fantasy are what we dance on. Illuminations of God are what we feel.
Blesssings of winter to you this day,
Thanks for your thoughts - I always love to read your responses. The snowballs in question were the wet, melting ones that left a trail as they flew through the air, and reminded me of comets flying through space. LOL. You and I like to write of space and earth and nature, and our minds are often drifting elsewhere other than our own back yard. It's why we are poets. I smiled at the idea of you and I building a snow castle! I've never done that - only a snowman. I never grew up with snow, so it's still a novelty to me, even after all these years in Japan (as an adult). Ha ha. Fantasy is what we thrive on though - that's why we love movies, and music (especially songs that tell a story) and poetry. God gives us dreams in our hearts and a lifetime in which to fulfill them. Wishing you all the best with yours.
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