(ok y'all... when you read this one you have to read it with a big old TWANG in your voice..lol)

Lord that gal was the purtiest thing
My eyes'd ever seen.
So it was all important this jewel was polished
And bright and clean.
I spit and rubbed until I was
Sure it would clearly be,
The perfect gift for my newfound queen

'Twas found in the desert , this bright red
Jewel of no equal match.
Perhaps it was destiny, finding it there amongst
The rocks and thatch.
A perfect plastic heart, it was, but in my mind
It was purest jasper,
And just the thing to bestow on the prettiest
Little gal in town.

A gift beyond compare, she'd never see
Another like this.
While only eight years old, there was already
Thoughts of wedded bliss.
I would certainly be a shoo-in to this
Sweet lady's hand,
Red haired, with dimpled chin, the purtiest
Little gal in the land.

My heart raced, and hands were shaking while I
Gave her the precious gem,
The, oh so perfect red plastic heart, with the
Lacy white plastic trim.
She took it and she smiled at me, OH LORD,
What a splendid toothless smile.
I skipped away, YES SIR, I skipped, Lord,
I was ever a happy child!

No longer wanting to be Hopalong, or Roy,
Or even Lash Larue.
All I wanted at that time, was to be somewhere
Near my sweetheart true.
Then dash it all, woe unto me, I was jilted on
The very same day.
I saw Lucy with Teddy.and she had give my
Plastic heart away..

My first love a disaster, now, how would ol'
Hoppy handle this chore.
Well. I'd be tough, and she'd not know my heart
Was crushed for shore.
While Roy might have blasted that varmint
Right between the eyes,
Instead I just up and told 'em, I found that
Heart in a fresh
COWPIE!