I have this nasty headache
It’s causing me much pain
Could it be something nasty?
Or maybe just a migraine

This headache is making me worried
I am starting to feel quite stressed
My stomach has now started aching
This is something to be addressed

I turn on my computer
Click onto the Internet
I need to look up the symptoms
Could my life be under threat?

There are so many sites to look at
There is plenty on headaches
Could it be a tumour?
Now I have the shakes

Why have I started shaking?
Is it Parkinson’s disease?
I really must see a doctor
Or someone with the right expertise

I go and phone the doctor
She says the words I dread
I can’t fit you in till Friday
By then I could be dead

I don’t know if I will make it
Friday’s so far away
A whole two days of waiting
Am I going to be okay?

Friday eventually comes
I am sat in the waiting room
I feel a little better
But am filled with doom and gloom

The doctor calls me in
I explain about my pain
I read it on the Internet
It’s a tumour on the brain

I think it might be cancer
And I’ve a stomach ulcer to
I don’t think I have long to live
Doc tell me what to do.

The doctor takes a look at me
“How is your head today?”
Well now I come to think of it
The pain has gone away

My stomach feels much better
And the shaking has stopped to
The doctor shakes her head and says
“I know what’s wrong with you

You must stop self-diagnosing
You are not the bloody quack
The only thing that’s wrong with you
Is you’re a hypochondriac!”