There once was a man named Brassica Ned,
and snails never went in his vegetable bed;
'cos the gritstone floor of Stony Gulch
served as a natural gravel mulch.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall
where the people's fingers all are green.
Though there ain't a lot of rain at all
there's the prettiest lawns you've ever seen
Now Ned had a friend named Algal Ira,
who found a new cure for Spirogyra;
when his pond turned the colour of darkest jade,
he filled it in and had a patio laid.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
Ira had a cousin called Compost Suzie,
who caught her man with the local floozie.
That man disappeared the very next day.
Her tomatoes grow very big, they say...
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
Susie's sister was called Grassy Nell;
not for her lawn, which had gone to hell.
Although no gardening fanatic,
she'd a hundred pot-plants in her attic.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
Nell had a beau named Bamboo Dick,
inventor of a curious trick;
his garden was hung with pungent pomanders
to keep away marauding pandas.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
Dick had a neighbour, Bonzai Paul,
who tortured trees to keep them small.
A sequoia was his special pride,
one foot tall and eight feet wide.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
Near Paul was the nest of Ant Tyrone
who the ants accepted as one of their own;
his hair floated wildly round his head,
for he on honeydew hath fed.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
The honeydew came from Aphid Luce,
who didn't need a man to reproduce.
Tragically, her identical daughter
was lost to a bucket of soapy water.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
Now Luce had a friend called Cactus Andy;
his wit was dry, and his hair was sandy.
Pain was how he got his kicks,
the little death by a thousand pricks.
In Stony Gulch, where the grass grows tall...
|
